Feeling Forever (Tasting Madness, #3)

by Albany Walker

“Bullshit,” Bates interrupts Dr. Tobin. “You’re trying to appease her mom and make us all question Waylynn and her motives for not telling us, including making her doubt herself. There aren’t any rules about this or when people have to spill their trauma to anyone, and the fact that her mother is using it against her, and you seem to be on her side, is pretty fucked up.”

Bates was the one who called her out on her bullshit for the most part, but I’m happy he did. Not only did he make sure she knows we won’t put up with her manipulation, but it also allowed me to see the moment Waylynn might have fallen in love with him, or at least admitted she already felt something for him.

I reach for her crutches, which doesn’t go unnoticed by her mother, not that I care. Waylynn already admitted to loving all of us, so if her mother misunderstood the context, then that’s her problem.

“No, but there were three that were always there.” I lick my lips, not ready to tell them that their voices are the ones I grew up hearing. “The new voice was… mean. It said things that scared me, and I would run to my parents’ room.”

“Waylynn, you haven’t said shit that frightened me away. I’ll admit to being a little surprised. It’s not every day you find out there’s proof you have a soulmate, but, baby, you’re still the same girl from yesterday, and I still want you, all of you—voices or not.”

“Memphis, are you serious? How can you wonder that? My question is, how could you walk away from her? Maybe you don’t love her.” My head snaps up, and I give him a look that dares him to say it again, because I really will kick his ass. “I walked out because it’s all my fault, or she thinks it is. Everything that happened to her, all the shit she’s been through… She wouldn’t have said it was me who fucked with her head otherwise.”

“Jesus Christ, Memphis. She doesn’t blame you, not for anything. She told us to go after you and make sure you were okay when you left. She was afraid to tell us because she thought we wouldn’t want anything to do with her once we found out, and you went and proved her fucking right when she needed you the most. And quit making it all about you. She heard all of us, or were you too caught up in your own head to even hear that part?” “What’d you say?” “I should have known.” Oz rolls his eyes at me. “You know what, I’m not even going to tell you about it. You need to talk to her, but that’s if she wants to talk to you, since I’m pretty sure you broke her fucking heart. If you ever leave her crying again, Memphis, I will kick your ass, and Bates will hold you down so I can do it.”

“It wasn’t your fault, Memphis,” she says before I can finish. “You guys were like my friends when I didn’t have any. When the medicine would work and I couldn’t hear you anymore, I missed you. I wouldn’t even allow myself to think about it though, because I thought that made me even more insane.”

I need her to know I’ll give her anything she needs and be there for her just like I promised. I brush her hair away from her face, marveling at the fact that she’s even letting me touch her. “I feel responsible, and that scared me because I can’t see how you can be around me if that’s the case.” “I knew it was you the moment you said, ‘Do you ever watch where you’re going?’” Waylynn deepens her voice, trying to mimic mine. “It never stopped me from wanting to be around you or from falling in love with you.” She sounds a little snippy, and it makes me smile, which probably isn’t a great idea. “Thank fuck, because hiding out in your basement and creeping on you when you sleep just so I could be around you might have gotten me arrested.” Waylynn rolls her eyes at me, like I’m joking. I don’t think she understands the depths I would go to just to make sure she’s mine. I hope we don’t ever need to explore them.

“Normal is way overrated, Waylynn. There’s nothing wrong with being extraordinary, and you don’t have to thank me for standing up for you. I’ll always be there for you—always.”

“No, now I want this, and I don’t think anyone would call it normal.” “What this do you want?” Our faces are only inches apart now. I lick my lips, and her eyes dart down to my mouth before coming back up to meet my gaze. “You and them. I want all of you. Oz makes it seem okay, but I don’t know if it really is.”

I nuzzle her neck and breathe her in, and she stills again, gripping me instead of trying to escape. “Waylynn, I need you to know I’ll always be okay with meeting your needs, even if that means stopping in the middle of whatever we’re doing or not doing something altogether. Okay?” I want to make sure she understands.

I started thinking about how he’s never fucked up and how she’s never had to question his loyalty, and I realized that while I will always love her, I can’t control if she loves me or not, and that threw me into a fucking tailspin of negative thoughts. I told myself I’d be happy with whatever she would give me, but that’s not the truth. Anything less than all of her will never be enough.

Uh he got y’all kicked out the first time you went to her house by insulting her!

“Bates kissed me, and I kissed him back,” she confesses, as if she’s done something wrong. “I know.” I reach for her again, pecking her lips softly before I add, “I don’t care what you do with him as long as you come back to me.”

she asks, “Why don’t you care? It would kill me if I saw you touch or kiss someone else, or even talk to someone else the way you do me.” I’m the one who pulls back this time, and I swear I feel her heart skip a beat while she waits for my answer. “If it were anyone else…” I shake my head and filter my words, because I don’t want to tell her I would kill anyone else who touched her, but that’s how I feel. “I couldn’t, but they are my family and all I have besides you, and I know you make them as happy and as whole as you make me.”

“I love you so, so much, but I love them too.” She grips my wrist while I’m still holding her neck, as if she thinks I might let her go.

“Do we let them know she belongs to all of us now, or are we lying?” Memphis throws it all right out there.

“Peter, is that you?” my mom calls as soon as the door opens. “Yeah, Ma. Waylynn and the guys are with me,” I answer. “—last name,” I hear Memphis telling Waylynn. I hope it doesn’t bother her that I didn’t tell her that already. The only person who calls me Peter is my mom.

“No, Oz actually met her first… Well, I guess it was Memphis, but Oz talked to her first.” “You all like her? What the hell? Does she have a crosswise cooter?”

😂 wtf seriously?!

His hand slides between us again, and then I feel something wide and soft glide up and down between my lips. “Christ, you were right. She’s addicting,” Oswald grates out between his teeth. “Shut up and make her come or I will,” Memphis rumbles,

I hear, My sweet girl, in my head, just as if Memphis spoke it out loud, and I adore the praise as if he did.

The mess Bates left behind drips down my chest when I stand, reminding me I need to clean up before going home and taking a shower. “Jesus Christ, that’s fucking hot,” Oswald says, proving he’s watching me while he’s still lying naked on the bed.

I make sure he sees me right on her ass, so there’s no question who or what I am to her. I never thought of myself as a jealous person, but that was before I had something I was afraid to lose.

Bates turns his head to look at Waylynn. I think he’s just as shocked as I am that she knows him well enough to call him by name. Bates’ back goes straight, and he wraps his arm around Waylynn. It’s a complete shift in demeanor, and I almost laugh, but I get it. Wasn’t I doing the same thing when I nearly crawled up her ass as she walked up the stairs? Waylynn senses the shift too and looks over at Bates. “Better?” “I’m fine,” he replies, his voice much deeper with added conviction. He doesn’t want to be seen acting like he’s afraid in front of the other dude.

Son of a bitch, I didn’t even notice he had a name tag, but I’m not going to admit that. Bates turns his head slowly to stare at me. I let him look like the possessive asshole this time, because it’s usually me. I keep my features relaxed, but Bates knows me well and he’s also witnessed how irrational I can become when it comes to her, so it’s only fair he experiences the same. “Oh,” Bates finally says, but his body relaxes.

“Waylynn,” he murmurs sweetly, and I feel his head rest against the back of mine. “You’re too sweet. I love every bit of you, but you’re too damn good. Thank you for even wanting to wear this. Don’t take it off. Please.” The final word comes out the softest, like a prayer that I’m compelled to answer.

“Come in here before someone puts out a missing person report on Memphis Gravlin—the guy who would chew someone’s hand off for even trying to touch him. They are bound to wonder what happened to the jerk you replaced.” I chuckle deeply in my chest at the truth of Bates’ words, causing Waylynn to pull back. Her hazel eyes are already on mine. “Hurry up. I won’t be held responsible for what I do if you’re nice to someone else,” she whispers up at me. The possessiveness in her tone surprises me a little. It’s fucked up, but I like that she notices she is the only one who gets that part of me. Instead of saying anything, I half drag her through the door Bates is holding open, and she makes a muffled squeal.

“It’s not your fault. It’s not like you encouraged her,” Waylynn consoles him. Oswald is quiet for a few long seconds before he grudgingly says, “Yeah, I know.” My brotherly instincts pick up on the delay, and I’m questioning if there is more to this than he led us to believe. “Your phone is off.” My tone comes off flat and irritated, but I have a reason. He better not have done something with this chick. I will kick his fucking ass.

“Maybe he thinks you’re too pretty and had it too easy. Hell, I don’t know. I do know that he can’t take anything from you that you don’t give him.” Coach eyes me like he thinks he just departed some fucking wisdom.

“Yes, and I had to explain to her why some chick was posing in my room and in my jersey and nothing else. I care about three things, Coach—her, my brothers, and football. He’s trying to fuck with all of them.”

“Those three things are all that should matter to you, so make sure you’re not the one fucking them up.”

“Sorry,” I mumble under my breath. “Stop apologizing for shit that isn’t your fault!” Memphis snaps. “Hey! Chill with the attitude. She doesn’t deserve it,” Bates chastises.

“She scares me.” His gaze is trained forward, but I know he’s not seeing what’s on the other side of the windshield. “You’d think knowing I could lose her would help me not be an idiot, but it feels like it has the opposite effect sometimes. Like if I just hold on a little tighter and have a little more control, she won’t leave me.”

“She’s not going anywhere, man. She thinks you hung the fucking moon. You could tell her up was down and she would swear it was the truth. I’m not worried about her leaving you. I’m worried about you hurting her and breaking that thing inside her that makes her so damn special, because even then, she would stand by you.”

“Waylynn.” When Memphis calls my name, I realize I have to lift my face from my hands. “Yes?” He doesn’t say anything else right away, so I look around at the other guys, wondering if I missed something. I need to make this better. “No, you don’t. It will all be okay.” I turn to meet his gaze again, and the blank expression on his face tells me I just screwed up. His words were not spoken out loud, only in my head. “Everything will be fine,” I blurt out, rushing to amend my words, hoping they won’t notice what I said first. “What?” Oswald looks between me and Memphis as if he’s the one missing something. “You heard me just now.” Memphis’ eyes narrow in concentration. “Didn’t you?”

“Yeah, I’m the best. Eat your food before it’s too cold. I’m not heating it up again, and remember, Memphis’ and Oswald’s babies are mine too. I get them all.” I snort, not having any idea where the baby fever came from, but I’m not going to argue with her, not after she just agreed to what I asked.

He pulls me up so his front is against my back and warns, “Quiet, because I’m not going to stop fucking you until you’re squeezing my cock no matter who opens that door.”

“I don’t like the way he looks at you.” “It will never matter how he looks at me because he isn’t you.”

“I’ll grab it for you.” Waylynn starts to get off the stool. “It’s okay, just tell me.” Before Waylynn can answer, Memphis leans to the side and opens a drawer. After reaching inside without even looking, he sets the pot on the counter and resumes working. It seems he found a way to prove she’s the interloper after all.

“Can you check on the turkey for me, son? I don’t want it to get dried out,” Michele says, giving him an excuse to escape. “Memphis, get in there and help them,” she adds when she realizes I’m still sitting. Normally, I wouldn’t love her bossing me around, although I’d probably listen to her anyway, but today, I’m grateful. I’ll thank her later.

I stay where I am until the door slowly opens and Oswald pokes his grinning face in. “That’s a new one. I’ve never had to cover for you before.” “Don’t bring shit like that up,” I shush him. His smile drops. “Shit.”

“Have you known him long?” Cordelia asks with interest. “Oh yes, Memphis and Peter have been friends since they were little, and Oswald was always right behind his big brother.”

Being in Bates’ arms makes me feel safe. He’s solid and steady, my rock, whereas Memphis is my balance, and Oswald is my light. The three of them complete me.

Seeing the single king-sized bed makes me a little sad. There won’t be enough room for all of us until they bring the other one back in—an accommodation we made for my parents that I won’t be making again. I made sure they, as well as Dr. Tobin, knew the real truth about our relationship, because I didn’t want it coming up later and giving them another excuse to intrude into my life.