Revive Me, Part One: The Act (New Haven, #2)

by J.L. Seegars

Questions about Chris and me and this arrangement that I think could be more if we let it. I’d be willing to try for him, and maybe, just maybe, I can convince him to try for me.

And when she’s done, she looks so fucking proud of herself I want to lean across the console and kiss her. “I’m proud of you.”

And just like that, I’m sucked back into the whirlwind that is her. Not even caring she won’t give me an answer because being around her is one of my favorite pastimes. Doesn’t matter where we’re going or what we’re doing, if Mallory is involved, I’m there.

“Yeah, right. You’re way too uptight about your car to let anyone behind the wheel.” “You’re not just anyone, though.”

Butterflies

And the only thing that stops me from thinking this was all a waste of time is her. Her peace of mind. Her safety. Her constant presence in my life.

“It’s eighty thousand dollars, of course, it means something to me. Not more than you though. A car can easily be replaced, but a person”—I let the words hang in the air, fighting back the urge to say ‘especially if that person is you’— “a person isn’t.”

Chris is quiet as I park the car, and I allow myself one minute to push away the nerves threatening to overtake my body. The whole purpose of this outing was for me to try and figure out if he’s on the same page as me when it comes to us.

“They probably should be worried about a few dollars,” Chris whispers under his breath as we sit down on the benches and trade our shoes for skates. My laughter bounces off of the half wall in front of us, and there’s so much warmth in his eyes when he gazes over at me it’s hard to think I’m in this alone. “I—” “So—” We both start and stop at the same time, an awkward silence falling between us as we wait to see who’s going to start up again. When neither of us does, I shake my head and smile.

“So you do know how to skate,” he murmurs against my ear. “Told you.” “Actually,”—he spins me around so I’m facing him and then pulls me in again. I’m skating backward now, determining the direction of our glides while he follows—“you didn’t answer me before you took off.” “I guess I was in more of a ‘show don’t tell’ mood.” “It was quite a show.”

Right where I’ve always wanted to be. That’s what I should have said to Mallory while I had her body pulled close to mine, holding her gently, possessively, but the words never came. Now the time for them has passed.

Now Mallory can rest easy knowing she doesn’t have to deal with him for the rest of her undergraduate career, and I can feel okay knowing she’ll have that peace when I leave for medical school.

I don’t want to think about leaving her or this place that’s become home simply because it’s where she exists, so I focus on my computer screen instead.

A humorless scoff escapes my lips because the only time I’ve ever shared a bed with Mallory has been in my dreams. It’ll probably stay that way too since I’m still not sure how she’ll receive a declaration of my feelings. She looked like she understood my logic a little too well, like her experience with Trent had bought her a VIP ticket to the ‘No Love, Just Goals’ section I’d been comfortable running up until the moment I tasted her lips. That look of understanding in her eye stopped me from explaining I had a change of heart because of her.

My feelings for Mallory are real, and once I’m certain my dad believes me, I’m going to see to it that she does too. Trent Davis, and the trust issues he left her with, be damned.

She’s more likely to know where Mal is than anyone else, and as the call connects, I find myself doing something I rarely do these days: praying. That they’re together doing something silly like watching Lifetime movies and eating their weight in popcorn. That she’s happy and smiling and has no idea there was a literal monster waiting on her doorstep.

“I was there because I trusted you. I was there because a naive sixteen-year-old was the only girl you could trick into thinking you were a good guy.” “I am a good guy.” “You’re a rapist,” I hiss.

My hands shake as I unlock the car doors and throw myself into the driver’s seat, not even bothering to hook my seat belt completely before reversing out of the spot and gunning the engine, heading for the only place, the only person, who can make me feel safe right now.

“I should go.” “No.” “No?” “No.” He repeats, sitting down on the ottoman in front of me and gazing up at me. “The only thing you should be doing right now is sitting down and letting me take care of your hand. And then, either while I’m wrapping it up or after it’s done, you should tell me what the hell happened between you and Trent.”

Hot

“Yeah,” he says with a rough edge to his voice, “this time he didn’t. Is that why you started going back to your self-defense classes?” “That was part of it, yeah.” “What was the other part?” “You.” I blow out a breath, and Chris’ eyes stretch. “Me? Did I…have I ever made you feel unsafe?” He starts to release me, and I use what little range of motion I have in my hand to grasp his fingers because I don’t want him to let go. “No! I didn’t mean it like that at all.” He doesn’t exactly look convinced but he stops trying to pull back, which helps me find the right words to explain. “You never make me feel unsafe. Honestly, I think I feel too safe with you sometimes.”

“Don’t apologize.” His voice is soft as he scoots in closer. “I’m just glad you’re safe. You have no idea how relieved I was to walk in here and see you.” “Even though I was on your kitchen floor?” “Yes.” The smile he gives me melts me from the inside out. “Even though you were on the kitchen floor.”

“It doesn’t have to be forever, princess, but for tonight just…” he pauses, warm brown eyes pleading with me, “stay with me. I know you don’t need me to fight your battles, but I need you to do this for me. I need you to stay here, so I can know that you’re safe.”

“Nothing in your closet is going to fit me,” I laugh. He raises a brow, chestnut eyes roving over my curves as he turns and heads for a door that must be his closet. “I wouldn’t be so sure, princess.” Intrigued, I walk over to his bed and sit down on the edge of it, listening as he rummages through his things, closing and opening several drawers before emerging with a pile of neatly folded clothes that still have tags on them. They don’t look like things he’d wear at all, and as he hands the stack to me, I realize they aren’t his. Everything—including the buttery soft t-shirts, matching leggings, and lacy boy shorts—is in my size. I hold a pair that’s fire engine red up at him and arch a brow. Both of his hands come up, his face serious as he says, “I didn’t pick those out, Sloane did.” “Sloane?” I give him a disbelieving look. “When did you and Sloane go shopping?” “We didn’t. I gave her my card and asked her to pick some stuff out for you to have at my place.” “She wasn’t the least bit curious why you needed her to do that?” He shakes his head. “Nope. She was just happy to help me do something nice for you.” “And why did you want to….” I gesture at the clothes, heat rushing to my cheeks. “Do something nice for you?” “No.” Yes. “Why did you want me to have clothes here?” “For the same reason, I wanted you to have a key.”

AHHH

“No.” He frowns. “You, princess. Your happiness. Your safety. Your well-being. I take it all very seriously.”

My heart

I still don’t know everything that happened between her and Trent, not on the path today or all those years ago when he tried to break her. There’s a part of me that recognizes I might not ever find out, and I’ve come to accept it. She doesn’t need to detail her trauma for me to believe her, and I don’t want, or need, the full story to know I want her.

“I know, baby,” I whisper, the words leaving my lips on a rough exhale. “What can I do? Tell me what you need.” “Hold me.”

“You are special, and there’s nothing stupid about believing that.” “It is if it makes you trust the wrong people.” “Someone breaking your trust is a reflection of them, Mallory. Not you.”

“You were in shock. Someone you thought loved and respected you was violating you in the most horrific way. It’s not uncommon for people’s brains to shut down in moments like that.” “I let him hold me after he finished. He fell asleep beside me, and I laid there until the sun came up. Why would I do that?” I press a kiss to the crown of her head. “Trauma induced shock doesn’t stop once the trauma stops. Your brain needed time to recover, to get to a point where it was functioning and able to get you to safety.”

“Tell me that you know none of this was your fault. He took advantage of you. He coerced you into giving him something he could never deserve and when you changed your mind he stole it from you. Those were his actions, Mallory, you don’t have to carry around the shame of what happened that night. It was never yours to begin with, it was always his.”

“Why didn’t I go to the police?” The sass underscoring her tear-clogged voice makes the corners of my mouth twitch, an inappropriate smile trying to curve my lips. I stop it from taking shape, but Mallory still sees it, and to my surprise, and delight, she gives me a small, watery smile of her own before her features turn serious again. “Because Eric and Nic would have killed Trent, and I couldn’t let Mama lose her sons when I wasn’t sure she was going to be able to keep her daughter.”

The people he’ll call will find those women, and some of them will be willing to talk. Some of them will want justice, and when they get it, it will provide peace for every woman that’s survived him, including the one I love.

“Do you want to go to Disney with me, princess?” “We can’t just go to Disney, Chris.” “Why not?” “Because….” But I don’t have a single reason why we can’t, and the excitement blooming like wildflowers deep in my heart keeps me from looking too hard for one. “I don’t know.”

“That’s good. You deserve someone who’s willing to wait for you.”

She cocks a sassy brow at me. “You planning on having more than one fake girlfriend in your life?” “No, but you never know what might happen.” “I guess that’s true. Well, if you ever find yourself in need of one, I’d be happy to reprise my role.”

“It’s more than nice, Mallory. Your smile is the thing I want most in the world. I spend every waking moment trying to find new ways to get you to give it to me. I wish for it on every shooting star and repeating number on a clock.”

“I’ll probably spend the rest of my life wishing for it to always be mine.”

“Not fake, princess. Real. Everything I feel for you, everything I want with you is real.”

“I’ve always wanted you, Chris. I’ve never been more sure about anything, about anyone, in my entire life.”

“That’s all you had to do. Seeing you like that? Tasting you, touching you? I didn’t know it could be like that with anyone.”

“I’m still afraid of having good things taken away from me, yeah, but I’ll do any and everything in my power to keep them. To keep you.” He lifts a brow, answering the question I didn’t ask. “I don’t know what a relationship with any other woman would have looked like, princess, but this thing between us is too good to ever be considered a distraction or a hindrance to my goals, especially when all of them include you now.”

“Mallory Kent, will you please do me the honor of being my girlfriend? For real this time?” A shiver rolls through her, no doubt inspired by the dark silk of my voice, but when she speaks her voice is even, unaffected. “Hmm, I don’t know. I think I might have to explore some other op—” The words are cut off by shrill laughter as I tickle her sides and stomach. She squirms, her hands flailing wildly. “Okay! Okay! Chris, I give.”

Mallory Kent could ask me for the moon, and I’d find a way to get it for her. She could ask me for the stars, and I’d steal them from the sky. She could ask for my heart, and, well….she already has that. She just doesn’t know it yet.

Within moments of settling in beside me, her breathing starts to even out. I listen to the sound, allowing it to lull me to sleep. And when I wake in the morning to the sound of my alarm and Mallory’s soft snoring, I realize that for the first time in forever, I slept through the night. No nightmares. No strangled cries from my mother’s ghost. Just the peaceful perfection of a heart that’s finally found its home.

Back then we were just childish, competitive kids and now we’re two adults in serious relationships with people we could see ourselves spending forever with. Instead of turning green cleaning into a competition, we took our time. Standing side by side at the counter with our backs turned to the living room, teasing each other about who was more obsessed with their significant other. I insisted that it was him, and he was adamant that it was me.

Nic makes a gagging sound in the back of his throat and pulls a face when I glare at him. He’s been like this all semester. Cranky, bordering on bitter when all of us are together. Most days I don’t pay him any attention because I know Chris and I being together has changed the dynamic of the group, and it’s possible he feels left out. Before we were together, Nic and I were the perpetually single ones. Now, he’s all on his own which, speaking as someone who used to be a fifth wheel all the time, I know can’t feel good. I just wish he’d get laid, or take any one of the girls he’s always texting seriously, so he can be happy like the rest of us.

“Some people just like to be prepared, Dominic,” Sloane says. Nic cuts his eye at her, an amused glare turning them into slits. “And some people know the difference between a joke and an insult, Sloane.”

He wants her so bad

“It is a job, princess.” Chris’ eyes glow. Frustration etched in his features as he thumps his chest. “Keeping you safe? Making sure you’re okay at all times? It is a job, and it’s my fucking job. One I signed on for long before you knew you were mine. One I’ll keep doing even if one day, down the road, you decide I’m no longer fit for the role.” His nostrils flare. “You’re not just my girlfriend, Mallory. You’re my mission. My purpose. The only thing in my life I can’t afford to fail at, so forgive me if I don’t give a fuck about what another man in my position would do because I can guarantee you there isn’t a man in this world who….”

“There isn’t a man in this world who loves you like I do.” “You love me,” I say slowly. Incredulous. He nods. A solemn, severe gaze burning through me. “I love you, Mallory.” “Really?” I ask, laughing. Crying.

“Even then?” I can’t believe how genuine his tone is when he says, “Always, princess.”

“I love you too.” I hear him moving around and the faint sound of a dresser drawer opening and closing before I feel him in front of me. He’s kneeling on the ground, his fingers wrapping around my wrists to pull my hands away from my face. I let them fall because I want to see him. “You do?” He’s not even trying to be funny. I can tell he really wants the assurance. “Yes.” I reach up and place a hand on his cheek. He leans into my touch. “Was that not clear when I agreed to be your fake girlfriend?” “Oh, no, it was. I was just hoping to hear you say it again.”

There, etched in the shining metal, are our names and words that make me laugh and cry for the second time today: MAL AND CHRIS 4EVA.

Cute