Be Not Afraid of Love: Lessons on Fear, Intimacy, and Connection

by Mimi Zhu

I want to trust in love, and I can only be in a loving, trusting relationship with somebody who is also willing to sacrifice these illusions of “power,” release their learned ideas of fetishistic desirability, and dismantle these structures of domination.

Because we are getting to know ourselves as sources of love, we might become very good at providing love, while forgetting how it feels to receive. My therapist once told me that receiving love is just as important as giving it, and that I needed to honor my role as both provider and recipient. I need to engage in a reciprocal exchange of love where I no longer erase myself from the equation.

Self-love is a grueling task of getting to know yourself with deep compassion. It requires us to swim in our shadows, laugh at our quirks, and unlearn, with compassion, all the conditions that have pushed us far away from unconditional love. Self-love is nourished and embodied, not attained.