More on this book
Community
Kindle Notes & Highlights
I’ve slipped twice now since I’ve been back, and I hate myself for it. I can feel myself falling back into old, unhealthy patterns. Being here is weakening me. Being around him is forcing me into a mindset I thought I’d outgrown. I thought I was smarter, stronger, but I’m not. I let my body override my good sense, and then I was overcome with shame. Shame and fear. I can tell it’s going to hurt more this time. I need to get back to Paris. I need to get out of this town. I need to get away from Macon and Claire. I can’t be awash in nostalgia for much longer. I’ll drown this time. I know it.
“Maybe it’s too late for that, Dad,” I say firmly. “Maybe that bridge was burned four years ago. Maybe Claire poured the gasoline, you tossed the match, and Macon danced on the ashes. I won’t be forced back into a box that I outgrew. I’m not going to forgive him just to make it easier on you.”
“I love you, too, Daddy,” I tell him honestly. “I never stopped. But patching things up with Macon isn’t something I’m willing to do. I’ll be cordial while I’m here, but that’s the best I can give you. When I go back home, to Paris, things will go back to how they’ve been. I hope you can understand.”
“Let’s get one thing straight, Claire.” I speak slowly and annunciate my words. “Macon is no more my brother than you are my sister. And you will never be my sister.” I drag my eyes down her body and sneer. “Now fuck off.”
But Sam’s always been a fire first, hold grudges after kind of person. It takes a vengeful act as harsh as the one that hurt her to move her forward. I don’t fault her for it. The shit she’s been through would harden anyone’s heart.
“I’m an addict, Astraea. I don’t know how to do anything small. I feel intensely. I want intensely. I crave intensely. For me, if it’s not a healthy obsession, it’s not love.”
“I’m so sorry, Lennon,” she chokes out. “I’m so, so sorry.” I feel nothing for her but disgust. “You know, Claire...In high school, I never would have believed you’d be the villain in my story. But now? Now I’m just disappointed I didn’t figure it out sooner.”
“Maybe someday I’ll be able to forgive you, but that day isn’t today. I’ll tolerate you for our parents, for Evie, but we will never be friends again. You’re my stepmother’s daughter, and I’m not going to pretend that I like you. And when Macon and I get married—because we will—you’ll be invited only so you can sit in the audience and watch a love that you tried so hard to kill thrive, and I hope you feel insignificant. I hope you feel like a failure. You tried to hurt me, Claire, but in the end, all you did was hurt yourself.”
“This life. The next life. Every life after that. I will love you in all of them, Lennon Capri. It doesn’t matter who you become or how you change. My soul will always belong to yours.”
Claire is at home babysitting Evie. She knew she wasn’t invited, but I guess she wanted to be helpful anyway. She’s trying. It’s not enough, but it’s something.
