What Was Meant to Be

by Q.B. Tyler

“I do love you. But sometimes, love isn’t enough. Sometimes loving someone means letting them go.”

The opposite of love isn’t hate, it’s indifference.

His touch feels dangerous but safe and wrong but right and I’m struggling with all of the conflicting feelings fighting for control. “I feel like you’re trying to break me. You’re not playing fair.”

“I knew I would never feel about anyone the way I felt about you. I convinced myself it was because you were JP so of course I couldn’t recreate that magic with anyone because… you’re you. So, I told myself that I could love Parker in a different way. A way that wasn’t so intense. I could love him in a way that didn’t consume me and make me crazy and feel alive and also like I’m dying. In a way that didn’t set my soul on fire. It didn’t strike me as odd that our intimacy was lacking because I only had one man to compare it to and of course nothing would ever be able to compare to what we had.”

My eyes immediately go to her clavicle where the words are written in light script. It’s dark, only the light from the fireplace and the string of tea lights illuminates the patio so it’s hard to make out. “When did you get this?” “A few weeks after you left.” She leans down to give me a better look and while I assumed it had to do with me, I wasn’t expecting it at the same time. In script, it says, “after all this time?” and just beneath it, “always.”

“Devotion. Obsession.” He sighs. “Telling you I love you doesn’t seem to feel enough. The fact that I feel so out of control with need for you when I know I shouldn’t. I know it’s going to cause a catastrophic response and yet I don’t fucking care.” He turns his head toward me. “I just want you. I need you. I feel you underneath my skin every second. I felt you in every painful beat of my heart when we were apart.”

“Mmm, I love how down you are for anything. How down you are for me. Anything I ever want to do, you trust me enough to do it.”

If we don’t do this now, if we don’t try while the wounds are still fresh, we won’t heal right. You know? Things will be awkward and polite and stiff hugs and forced phone calls and I don’t want that. So, I will take the arguing and the anger and fighting because at least that means we are fighting for something. What I will never take from anyone in this family is indifference.”