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I simply don’t have the energy to pretend like everything is fine. Most days I can hardly get out of bed.
I can relate
Sometimes, I wish my brain and body would just switch off.
same!
I wish I did. I wish I could stop being so afraid.
I think life would be easier that way.
My teeth dig into my bottom lip. A good person? If I was one, I’d find a way to be brave.
Enough with being brave.
And I want to live, even if I don’t deserve to. For some reason, I’m not ready to say goodbye to this ugly world.
I don’t think i’ll ever be able to say goodbye.
What if something inside of me is permanently damaged? Is this my punishment? Being condemned to live the rest of my life numb? Unable to feel normal human emotions and incapable of empathy or love?
If this did happen, i’d kms.
Alcohol. Yes, that sounds far better than the other thing I’m considering—jumping under the wheels of a truck.
YEAHHHHH
There are times in life when one becomes untethered. The things we take for granted are ripped away from us. Conditions we assume to be permanent reveal themselves to be as temporary as a beautiful sunset. The familiar disappears, and we are forced to confront the unknown.
Well, I'm not a poet. I'm just a woman.
“It’s unfair that men like you get to look down on women like me because of misguided first impressions. Must be nice to have the privilege to shit all over people trying to find honest work.”
CLOCK IT!
Physically, I might not be his match, but if he thinks he can make me cower with his words alone, he’s about to be very disappointed.
me in words
The weight in my chest is heavy. The pain inside my head is the kind that has no simple cure.
that might be depression babe.
“You’re clinically insane. Punching a customer. Get ready for a slew of scathing reviews.”
I love her
“He’s not a customer. He’s my cousin.” She throws up a hand. “Another one? As if that makes it any better.”
I LOVE HER
Our fingers brush when I take the pen back. Since when do I even notice shit like that?
you tell me, man.
It’s an intrusive thought, and it’s far from the first time I’ve had it. I’ve been Googling how to get rid of these thoughts, because every day they seem to be multiplying.
I’m sorry? You… Googled it…?
“What is your problem with me? In the beginning, you were testing me. I get it. But I passed the test. You hired me yourself! What else do I have to do to get you to leave me alone?”
Yikes
“Damiano,” he says. “But don’t you dare say it back to me. If I hear my name just once on your lips, I know I’ll become addicted.”
DAMN
Who the hell gave De Rossi permission to use the English language as a method of mind control?
Who da hell
The way he looked at me the entire time, the way he saw me,
HE SAW HER, STOP, HE. SAW. HER.
I barge into the shower and angrily jerk off.
oh!
Have sex with her while she was upset? No. I like my partners willing and enthusiastic.
Doesn’t everyone…?
I need to leave and isolate myself. I won’t put more people in danger because I’m out of my goddamn mind.
isn’t that in a song?
He thinks I’m someone who needs protecting, instead of the thing people need protection from.
Yeah, in the mental health way.
As soon as I’m alone, I fold over, and hide my face in my palms. My gut churns. It feels like something rotten has cracked open inside my stomach and filled me with poison.
oh, my poor baby…
Who would miss me if I walked right into the water and never came back out? My sisters don’t need me. My parents probably want me dead. At this point, if they find me alive, I’ll be in disgrace for the rest of my life.
Okay, but in an ocean..?
Tears stream down my face. I need to let it all go and start over, but after tonight, I don’t know if I can. Living in fear is the most exhausting thing I’ve ever had to do. And now it’s not just others that I fear. It’s me.
I also fear myself.
I don’t know who I am.
me neither girl
Am I really considering suicide? No, I can’t give up. Not after everything I did to get away.
I ask myself that question everyday
I am not a good person.
welcome to the club
No one will ever be safe around me, so what’s the point of getting close to anyone? I’d rather be alone than love people and watch them die.”
Me too
Some days I wake up and think there’s no point in getting out of bed. There’s no point in anything.”
So that’s depressing!!
If someone ever wrote the story of my life, it would be written in blood.
Well aren’t you a poet!!
Keeping a secret doesn’t become easier over time. The weight of it accumulates, until you’re faced with a choice—crumble beneath it or let it go.
LET IT GO! LET IT GO! I CANT HOLD IT BACK ANYMOREEEE!!
To be capable of that kind of disassociation is an awful thing. It makes you disassociate from yourself as well.
That sounds unpleasant.
“Very quickly, I stopped feeling like I was human. I stopped seeing my family. It felt really important to me not to see them, even if I couldn’t really explain why at the time. In retrospect, it was because I was afraid of a few things. I was afraid I’d hurt them. I didn’t know how or why I’d do it, but it felt like a real possibility. And I was afraid they’d see the truth about me. They’d look me in the eye and see I had no soul left. I didn’t want them to know that, even if it was the truth.”
Felt this.
I have to tell Damiano everything, because if I stop, I know I won’t ever find the strength to do it again.
Okay, thought daughter alert!
I told myself I wanted to die, but I was lying.
Wait what?
“But I don’t want you to leave. Stay with me, Vale. Stay with me, and you’ll never have to fight another battle again. I’ll fight them for you. I’ll protect you. I’ll avenge you.”
YES DAMIANO!!
Forgiveness is a tricky thing. I’ve tried to forgive myself many times after I got to Ibiza, but my attempts always seemed like throwing a bunch of seeds over dry, infertile soil and expecting them to sprout. They never did.
Shakespeare 2.0, over here!
I’m sick of it. Sick of being who I am. A coward, a fool, and a killer.
real, except the killer part.
will get Martina to safety, even if it’s the last thing I do. He loves her so much—more than my parents ever loved me. I won’t let him lose her.
I spent a long time being scared to do the right thing, but I’m not afraid anymore. This time, I’m going to do what’s right, no matter what it costs me.
Myself
“I’ll never give you a child, Lazaro. I’ll cut it out of my womb before I bring your spawn into this world.”
Clock him!!!!
My sister has always been the most important thing in my life. My joy, my mirror, my family.
I love my sisters.
If I don’t get her back, the world as I know it will end. There won’t be any light in it without her.
Someone get me a man like Damiano.
Did she kill him even though she knew it would mean her own death? No, Vale can’t be dead. She. Can. Not. Be. Fucking. Dead. She wouldn’t do that. She wanted to live, goddamn it. Didn’t she know I’d track her down to the ends of the earth to get her back?
I’m sat.
I love this woman. I’ll swim to the bottom of this sea if that’s what it takes to bring her back to me. Please God, let me find her. If you do, I promise you, I’ll never leave her side.
ANENJFJFJSISID
She killed him with a fucking rock. Her gaze finds mine, and I see the horror of those few moments reflected within. She didn’t want to hurt people anymore, but she had to do it.
I love them!!!!
“I don’t want a kept woman. I want a partner. An equal by my side. That’s you. If I’m about to become a king, you will be my queen.”
FOLDED!
“My father proposed to my mother on their second date. They loved each other more than anyone I’ve ever known. It may have only been a month, but there isn’t a sliver of doubt inside of me. You’re the only woman I’ll ever want. I love you, Vale.”
Cutesy little man.
