Fractured Freedom

by Shain Rose

“Half of this year has been me trying to stop picturing you every time I jack off, and I was on the verge of avoiding all family parties so I didn’t have to see how hot you look every time I show up. I swear you imagine fucking me every time you look at me too, little girl. Do you? Tell me I’m not crazy.”

“Bite that lip all you want, baby, but when I fuck you later, I’m going to bruise it so everyone knows it’s mine. Might as well give it a rest and just scream what you want me to do to you. Scream and beg me for what you want. Want me to work your pussy so my hand is drenched in you? You want to drip down my wrist as you come for me?”

“You did so good letting me eat you out, baby.” He rubbed a thumb over my cheek to wipe away the tears I didn’t even know were falling. “So goddamn beautiful when you let go, Lilah. Don’t share that animal in you with the world. Keep it only for someone special.”

“This is how it’s supposed to feel. Like you were empty without me, like you were missing a piece of you and I just found the missing part.” I let out a string of curses as I dug my nails into his ass, wanting all of him, knowing he was still holding back. I was greedy now, ferocious in my need to feel whole. Dante’s dick was my oxygen, and I couldn’t live without it.

“Remember, when you come this hard and get this wet, it means you’re getting fucked right. Remember not to ever settle, Lilah.”

“I think I love you, Lamb. I think you’re the one thing I love too much to let go.”

“Oh, God.” “Nope. God can’t get you there. No one can but me. I’m the one who rules this pussy, baby. You gave it to me, remember? And I didn’t give it back. I’m never going to.”

You don’t realize how close to the edge you’re living until someone pulls you away from it.

“You have to take risks to know your limits and yourself.

“I want a better one than I have. I’ve done nothing but wallow in what everyone expects of me so far.” “That’s a good life,” he bellowed. “We expected great things.” I shook my head. No one understood.

Truth was, there was always something between me and Delilah, even before I slept with her. Maybe it was the fact that we all put her on a pedestal and, in the dark of the night where my thoughts ran wild, I wanted to drag her off it. Or maybe it was because she looked at me like she didn’t want to be up there in the first place. She’d been locked up there for ages, always wanting to come down and explore. For far too long, I’d ignored it. Until she took the leap down from the pedestal herself.

Happiness was fickle, though, and I’d been chasing it a long time. Through grades, through the approval of others, through doing what I thought was the right thing.

Depression crept in, bleeding like black ink over the colorful world minute by minute, hour by hour. The bleed might have been slow or it might have been fast, but once it took over, it consumed me. Everything was dark. The weight of my worries and the negative parts of the world buried me so deep down in my soul that it seemed impossible to move.

Some would probably say I was mourning something I never had, but what they didn’t understand about the miscarriage was that my brain had started planning even if I didn’t know whether I’d keep the baby or not. I still dreamt about them. I’d researched the baby’s growth and stressed over her or him. My future shifted as I pictured my life with them in my arms.

the feel of him in me after all these years was like finally being full after being empty, finally being found after being lost, finally being healed after being broken.

My lust and care for her had been embedded in my bones for a long time. It was part of the blood my body made, part of what pumped through my heart. And it was going to be hell detoxing from her, absolute hell to filter her out of my blood.

Love sneaks up and snatches a heart from its owner so fast they don’t seem to know it’s gone for days, weeks, sometimes months. I think Dante had my heart all along. Even when I tried to protect it from the disaster that could happen between us, I never really had a chance. The wolf gets what he wants, and I was just the lamb, too overpowered by who he was to do anything else.