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Killian retrieves a cigarette and stuffs it between his lips, then fishes for his Zippo. I crunch my nose, “Didn’t you say you’d quit if I kept your hands and lips occupied?” I expect him to laugh it off, but he simply throws the cigarette out the window and opens his palm. “Hand.” Swallowing, I place mine in his. A small smirk curls his mouth. “Now lips.” When I hesitate, he glances at me. “You weren’t so shy when you first kissed me last night.”
“Your arrogance is staggering.” “Thanks.” “That wasn’t a compliment.” “My genius neurons and I choose to take it as one.”
“If I were using her, I would’ve gotten bored within the first two days and let her go.” Which is true. Fuck. If I’m not using her, then what am I doing with her exactly? People only fall into three categories for me. Worth being used. Not worth being used. Neutral. She’s in none of the above. But I’m sure she’s in there somewhere, because she holds enough space to fuck up my day.
Mia is the only person on earth who’s told me, or more like signed to me, that “It’s okay to be different, Kill. I still love you.” And I would murder for her. No questions asked.
Note to self, buy her more ribbons.
She nods enthusiastically, her features making her look so young, way younger than me. Countless ribbons decorate her hair, dress, wrists, and even her giant boots. She gets A+ for the fashion sense.
“If you run, I’ll chase you.” Killian’s dark voice permeates the air with the thickness of smoke. “And if I chase you, I’ll catch you.” His voice gets nearer. “And if I catch you, I’ll fuck you, baby.”
Do I even want a way out?
Killian’s smirks are different from his smiles. The latter are usually fake. His lazy smirks, however, are playful, mischievous, and a sight to behold. It makes butterflies slash my stomach with the sole purpose of bleeding me out.
Chill-inducing warmth covers my skin. It’s weird how someone so cold can give this feeling of…peace.
“So? Do you want to kill?” “More than anything. Taking someone’s life, feeling as their last breaths turn to nothingness, then cutting them up to see inside them, is the only thing I’ve desired since I was about seven.”
“The bloodlust muddies my head, and I’d have little impulse control. I refuse to be a slave to my urges, to be ruled by them, and to develop a bad habit of satisfying them. Eventually, I’ll lose control and get locked up for it, and that’s just not going to happen. So I repress as much as I can.”
“How often do you think about killing?” “Per day, twenty-four times. Sometimes more in certain irritating situations. Lately, it’s less.”
Killian breathes me in, slowly. “You make the demons go away, even temporarily.” “How?” “Beats me. Whatever it is you’re doing, keep doing it. I like how quiet it is up here.” He taps the side of his head.
“No, I mean, Cherry said if I choose someone else you’ll never touch me again.” “That applies to everyone else but you. Listen carefully, baby. I’ll never let you go.” A shudder goes through me, but instead of fear, the feeling that invades me is so similar to relief.
I love it when she glares. It’s my Glyndon’s love language.
She spins around and faces me. Her cheeks are red and her honey-colored hair flies in the wind. Now, I don’t know what angels look like and probably never will—thank fuck I have a designated place in hell—but she’s the closest thing to an angel I’ve ever seen. My own angel.
She shifts from one foot to the other. “I’m just surprised you’d willingly forgo the chance of trying those kinks on me.” “I don’t need kinks when I’m with you.” She pauses. I pause. The whole world fucking pauses. That’s right. I don’t.
“I’ll have you know that my secondary school boyfriend had a huge dick.” “You said that to piss me off, didn’t you?” She raises a brow. “Is it working?” This little fucking witch is learning faster than should be allowed. I will go ahead and say that I fully expected her to run for the hills when I admitted that I liked to kill yesterday.
“I never had a girlfriend. Until you, of course. Though I prefer the terms my girl, my woman, mine that you still haven’t voiced, by the way.”
She wears red for me.
People say their life flashes before their eyes in the last moments, but that’s not what happens. My life isn’t what I see. It’s Glyndon smiling. I always liked her sweet little smile, probably because it was rarely ever directed at me. She’s smiling at me now, calling my name, but I can’t hear her. A commotion snaps me from the image that I was enjoying. The water stops and I twist onto my side, coughing and inhaling air as if through small straws.
I was that much of a coward before. I’m not now and it’s all because of the freaking bastard lying unconscious.
Since when has he become such a vital part of my life that I feel on the edge just at the thought of him being hurt? He coerced, threatened, and gave me no choice but to submit to him. He’s as much of a villain in this story as my brother is. Actually, he’s way worse. But I can admit to myself that I’m attracted to him, I’m attracted to how he confiscates my control and leaves me no choice but to let go.
I’m addicted to how he puts me above everything else, how he goes out of his way to make sure I eat—even bugs Anni about it. I’m addicted to the way he looks at me when he thinks I’m not looking and how he didn’t listen to my brother’s demands and, instead, chose to stay with me. I’m addicted to him.
“I want to shoot everyone who dares to look in your direction or cause you pain. I want to bathe in their fucking blood and throw their insides at your feet. I want to fuck you there, too, in their blood, to stake a claim. You’d probably bolt if I said this to you directly, so I won’t. I’ll just keep owning you over and over, until you can no longer think about leaving me. I’ll be your shadow so no one dares to hurt you.”
Killian kisses the top of my head and before I can backpedal, he says the words that go straight to my heart. “I’ll make sure you always choose me as much as I choose you.”
I’m losing a piece of myself. And it’s happening so fast that I can’t catch my breath during the process.
only realized it when I couldn’t sleep in the flat I share with the girls anymore. It became absolutely strange and appalling to sleep on any bed other than Killian’s.
Her cheeks turn red. “Eli can go fuck himself.” Everyone but Creighton gasps. I giggle. “You go, girl.” It’s her turn to bow to me, “Thank you, my lady.” “For public record and life insurance reasons, my lordship did not hear that. I recommend that you all do the same if you plan to live for more than a few days.” “As much as I hate to say this, I agree with Remi,” Cecily says. “Let us all pretend Ava didn’t say that.” “But I did say it, and I’d say it again. Fuck E—” Cecily slaps a hand on her mouth. “You’re drunk, you little shit. When you wake up in the morning, you’ll remember this and
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I become aware of the thickening of the air, and how it mixes with his cologne. How his presence slowly but surely eats up the atmosphere and leaves no oxygen to breathe.
me. “I was dragged out against my will because he refuses to admit he misses you.” “Semantics,” Killian says casually. “Can we join you?”
Ava and Brandon are the only ones who drink to that and they get shit from everyone and deathly glares from Nikolai. Or maybe the glare is only for one of them.
“Wait a minute.” Remi stares at Creigh. “Why aren’t you drinking, Cray Cray? Have you missed the never have I ever for this round?” When he shakes his head, Remi seems exasperated. “Then drink—Jesus fucking Christ, spawn, please tell me you’ve had your dick sucked at least once?” When Creigh remains silent, Remi falls down on his chair dramatically. “I think I need some medical attention. My own spawn has been missing out and I didn’t know. I’m losing years of my life as we speak, I’m telling you.”
His lips glisten with the alcohol and I think something is wrong with my heart, because it keeps beating so hard when he side-eyes me and whispers in a deep, low tone, “Behave.”
“Oh, please, you’re just being a twat.” “Careful, baby. You’re pushing it.” I flip my hair and lean on my palm to stare at him. “You’re going to punish me anyway, so might as well push you as much as I want.” “When did you learn to be a pain in the ass?” I stroke his cheek. “After I met you.” I can feel his jaw clenching beneath my fingers. “You’re never getting drunk again and speaking in that erotic voice in public.”
But my words are unheard as he walks out of the pub. I sulk, then I grab him by the hair. “Taking me back, my arse. You just want to fuck me, you perverted, sadistic bloody wanker.” “Glad you got that off your chest. We’re going to have a long night.”
“You know that’s not what I’m asking for.” “Then what are you asking for, Glyndon?” I stare in the opposite direction, a tear sliding down my cheek. “Something you don’t have.” “Don’t give me that.” He forces me to stare at him, his fingers digging in my chin. “And don’t you ever use that fucking argument with me.”
“Then if I ask for your heart, will you give it? Of course you won’t. You don’t have it. All your emotions are learned, right? So even if you say you like me, you adore me, you love me, I’ll never believe them, because you don’t believe them either. You say I love you to your mum all the time, but you told me it’s just to placate her. You’ve never felt what love is. You don’t know what love is.”
“I’m giving you more than I’ve given anyone in my life, Glyndon. I’m giving you monogamy, dates that I usually don’t give a fuck about, and I’m even entertaining your friends and family. I’m sparing your brother, and choosing not to fight against your cousin, no matter how much he provokes me. I’m being fucking patient with your irritating fights and denials and dramatics. I told you that my tolerance and nice phases don’t come naturally. Not even a little, not even fucking close. So be grateful, take what I’m offering, and stop being fucking difficult every step of the way.”
cheek. “What you’re giving me isn’t enough.”
“If I die, I’ll turn into a scary ghost and haunt the hell out of you, prick. I’ll live in your nightmares.”
“What if we fall, like nosedive straight into the ocean. We’ll all die, be eaten by sharks, and they might never find us. It’ll hurt so bad.” “Actually no, we’re over twenty thousand feet up, so if we do fall from this height, the g-force of it will black us out in about twenty seconds. The good news is, you’ll feel nothing. Bad news, there will be no remains to recuperate since the power of the crash will disintegrate us and the body of the plane.”
“You’d allow yourself to be used?” “By you? Absolutely.”
And I mean that shit. If this woman asks me to cut my chest open and show her the organ she’s asked for, I’d rip it from its tendons and lay it at her feet.
Her gaze strays sideways, and I hate it when she breaks eye contact. I have to see her all the time, and she’s never shied away from me, so when she breaks our connection, I feel a weird sense of loss.
“Until I found you. On the top of that cliff, you looked so innocent and naive, I wanted to tarnish you in some way, ruin that apparent innocence and see what was behind it.”
“I give up.” She releases a sigh. “I obviously can’t win with you.” If only she knew how wrong that statement is. It’s more like I haven’t been able to win ever since she came into my life.
“You…really quit because of me?” “Sure did. Second-hand smoke is a serious threat to your health.”
“You’re more of a serious threat to my health.” “Too bad you can’t quit me.”
