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Kindle Notes & Highlights
by
Brant Hansen
Read between
July 8 - December 21, 2023
Masculinity is about taking responsibility. We naturally respect men who take responsibility for themselves. We have even more respect for those who go beyond themselves to their families. And we have immense respect for men who take responsibility for those well outside their own homes.
We are “masculine” not to the extent that we body-build or achieve sexual conquests or fix stuff, but to the extent that we are faithful to the job of being humble, consistent, dedicated keepers of the garden. Just as Adam’s failure was devastating, our failures to fill this role have been devastating.
Imagine men like you and me taking whatever strength we are given to defend and expand that kingdom rather than our own temporary, throwaway, little ones that will never last.
He was not created to be passive. Humans were not created to evade responsibility, hide from God, or make up excuses and deflect the blame. A passive man becomes useless to those around him. What’s more—and this may seem counterintuitive—a passive man is a threat to the woman in his life.
A man’s passivity makes a woman feel less secure, because she will intuit that he may not be up to the job of defending her or their home. He may not be up to the job of providing for her and their children. He may even become a drag on her own ambitions. She may feel like she’s somewhat on her own, even if they’re married, and needs to frenetically cover all of life’s bases because he may not do it. It’s very unsettling, and you know what? It’s also weirdly common.
“But,” you might say, “she should really dress more appropriately. It’s wrong to dress that way.” But that wasn’t the question, was it? The question was about who is ultimately responsible for the man’s behavior, and the answer is . . . the man. You and I are 100 percent responsible for whether we decide to fantasize about someone. That’s our call.
The real female mind adds to us, challenges us, complements us, confounds us, confronts us, and makes us grow up.
My sin isn’t sin because it’s on a random list of activities that God just doesn’t happen to like. My sin is sin because it stops me from being who I’m supposed to be and what I could have been. It’s a shortcut that leads away from the kingdom of God, where I can flourish, to a different kingdom—the kingdom of me.
Want to be a great husband? You can’t flirt with other women.
It matters to her that if something matters to her, it matters to me too.
You’re not charged with getting your kids a lucrative career. You are charged with shaping their character. The security they need right now isn’t financial security. It’s I-know-my-dad-and-he-knows-me security.
I know I said this before—maybe a couple times—but I really mean it: This dad thing doesn’t last forever, and you only get one shot.
Our culture is lying.
I could write another book, called The Old Men We Need Right Now, but it’s likely too late. It’s up to the rest of us to become those guys, and we need to start presently.
I have a wise older friend who has eight children, all grown. Most of them are married with kids. It’s a huge group, and they all love coming back home to get together. My friend loves seeing them, of course, but as an introvert, it almost overwhelms him.
Even if they had drowned, God had control of the situation. No matter what.
Paul writes that living is great, but dying is a win too. “To live is Christ and to die is gain,” he writes in Philippians 1:21. If I fear God, I need fear nothing else.
Death is the ultimate weapon of our spiritual enemy, but two thousand years ago, it was disarmed. God is ultimately going to take care of us. Plus, he said, worries don’t help, so what’s the point? Worrying about tomorrow just makes today miserable.
Remember this and prosper: Don’t follow your heart—open your eyes.
Q: But I’m scared to talk to women. You should write a book that helps us talk to the ladies. A: Let me remind you that I play accordion. You don’t want me writing that book.
No one operates in a vacuum. There is no such thing as private sin. And there is no such thing as private virtue. Who you are reverberates through your home and neighborhood and the world.
“I’m amazed how many people this has affected,” he said. “One stupid, wrong decision I made and it keeps affecting so many people. My wife, my kids . . . it just keeps going.”
We need you to be the man you are made to be. Make no mistake, there is no “as long as I’m not hurting someone else . . .” If you’re not who you’re made to be, it hurts you. And it hurts us.
He’s in the Basketball Hall of Fame, because of his repeated willingness to practice when he didn’t feel like it. To force himself to use his left hand when it was his weakness. To take thousands of jump shots in front of no one when he knew he wasn’t a pure shooter.
