It’s always good to walk off the booze, and I’m not that drunk, just drunk enough to find stupid things funny. Like if you look at the number nine long enough, it’ll remind you of a side-on, very sad penis with massive balls that just can’t seem to get it up. No matter how hard you tap on the number nine on your keyboard, it’ll never, ever, become aroused. Even if you put a three next to it—because three looks like boobs—it’s not going to do it. I’ve tried. I’ve attempted a thirty-nine on many occasions but nothing happens. Poor, poor nine. #flaccidforlife
