I think what happened after the first two, dreamlike, weeks was that I started worrying that I might like her more than she liked me. It was a short leap from there to a bigger fear: What if she leaves me? Those doubts closed off something within me. It happened quickly. I’m guessing that same mechanism is also what caused my emotions to start shutting down. And when you’re closed off emotionally, playfulness, lightness, humour and spontaneity are all out of reach. You become mute and rigid. I certainly did.
