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What I value most from my seventeen years of full-time spiritual training is that I no longer believe my every thought. That’s my superpower.
What I value most from my seventeen years of full-time spiritual training is that I no longer believe my every thought. That’s my superpower.
Needless to say, your degree of presence affects how you relate to other people. We all know what it’s like to spend time with someone who isn’t present. There’s always this nagging sense that something’s missing. I feel it comes to the fore every time I meet young children. They’re less than impressed by our analytical skills, but amazingly sensitive as to whether or not we are in the moment. They can tell when we’re faking or when our thoughts are somewhere else. The same goes for animals. But when we’re present, when we’re not hypnotised by every little thought that flashes into our heads,
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Needless to say, your degree of presence affects how you relate to other people. We all know what it’s like to spend time with someone who isn’t present. There’s always this nagging sense that something’s missing. I feel it comes to the fore every time I meet young children. They’re less than impressed by our analytical skills, but amazingly sensitive as to whether or not we are in the moment. They can tell when we’re faking or when our thoughts are somewhere else. The same goes for animals. But when we’re present, when we’re not hypnotised by every little thought that flashes into our heads,
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Success and happiness are two different things.
Success and happiness are two different things.
while I have thoughts, I am not my thoughts.
while I have thoughts, I am not my thoughts.
attention.
attention.
Imagine a fist unclenching into an open hand –
Imagine a fist unclenching into an open hand –
‘There are people who are born and die and never once are aware of their breath going in and out of their body. That’s how far away from themselves they live.’
‘There are people who are born and die and never once are aware of their breath going in and out of their body. That’s how far away from themselves they live.’
being there for others is infinitely rewarding.
I imagine anyone who has ever undertaken a longer trek knows what it feels like after a while; somehow, the complexity of life is reduced day by day. Eventually, it boils down to the weather, your body, food, drink and rest. I remember putting on my backpack in the morning and feeling I could walk to the ends of the earth – this is all I want to do. I felt invincible.
If you’ve ever tried meditation, I’m sure you can relate. You thought of yourself as a more or less reasonable, rational, sensible and pragmatic being, but then you discovered some kind of travelling monkey circus is, in fact, in charge of your thought process most of the time.
Sleeping on a wooden pallet was tolerable. Not speaking could be endured. Getting up really early was okay. Even not eating much, and bad food at that, was acceptable. But being left alone with my chattering, yammering, critical, judgemental, spiteful, questioning, complaining thoughts all day every day, with virtually no distractions – that was unbearable.
Directing our attention, choosing what we aim it at, is the best and possibly the only thing we can do when things get really hard.
‘Don’t believe your every thought.’ Few things have helped me more in life. Unfortunately, that superpower, which we all possess, is often overlooked. But the fact is that approaching our own thoughts with a measure of scepticism and humour makes it infinitely easier to be you and me.
death. Where’s the dignity, where’s the freedom, in a life where you believe everything you think? When we know for a fact most of our thoughts are involuntary.
We don’t choose our thoughts. We don’t control the shape they take. Possibly, we can encourage some more than others, allow them more or less room. But we can’t control what pops into our minds. We can only choose whether or not to believe it.
There exists an intelligence that isn’t confined to our heads, and we would do well to turn to it more. That wise voice inside me, the one that had brought me all the way here, it’s worth listening to.
my part, I prefer to call it the intelligence of the moment.
Or, as a wise man called Albert Einstein once said: ‘The rational mind is a servant. The intuitive mind is a sacred gift. We have created a society that honours the servant and has forgotten the gift.’
‘Stina, I think it would turn out at least as well as if everyone decided they wanted to be a broadcast journalist.’
Thinking that we know is often a big problem. Knowing you don’t know is hardly ever a big problem.
In this particular scene, Pooh and Piglet are out walking together. I’m sure you can picture it: Pooh in his little red T-shirt and Piglet in his pink bathing suit. After stopping by Rabbit’s home, Pooh says: ‘Rabbit’s clever.’ ‘Yes,’ Piglet replies, ‘Rabbit is clever.’ ‘And he has Brain,’ continues Pooh. ‘Yes,’ says Piglet, ‘Rabbit has Brain.’ There’s a long silence, then Pooh says: ‘I suppose that that’s why he never understands anything.’
And I think it behoves all of us to locate our inner Winnie-the-Pooh. To go into the world as Pooh would – wide-eyed, alert, aware.
Practising letting go is one of the most important things I’ve learned. The wisdom of that is profound. We never stop benefiting from getting better at it. The only way to get rid of thoughts that are harming us, that are making us feel small, useless, lonely, afraid, sad, angry – is to let them go. Even if they’re ‘right’. That’s obviously easier said than done. But it’s worth noting that, at the end of the day, it’s the thoughts we have real trouble letting go of that tend to harm us the most.
‘The next time you sense a conflict brewing, when you feel things are about to come to a head with someone, just repeat this mantra to yourself three times, sincerely and convincingly – in any language you want – and your worries will evaporate, like dew from the grass on a summer morning.’
I may be wrong. I may be wrong. I may be wrong.’
Most of the psychological suffering we humans experience is voluntary and self-inflicted. That was one of the Buddha’s greatest discoveries. It’s a stage of human development we can’t skip; we all go through it and it’s entirely natural. And that’s exactly what I keep coming back to – that we believe in thoughts that want to harm us. Thoughts that make it hard, heavy and complicated to be you and me. Somewhere inside, whether consciously or subconsciously, we know a lot of the things that are difficult in our lives are caused by our own thoughts. Our psychological suffering is for the most
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The fact that psychological suffering is self-inflicted doesn’t make it any less painful. Not at all. But understanding that it is can give us a new way of relating to it. I would argue that’s the main reason you shouldn’t believe your every thought.
I hadn’t deliberately hurt so much as an ant. Not done or said anything that weighed on my conscience. Through meditation, I’d become a more mindful person.
‘It seems to me, the more refined forms of happiness are characterised by the absence of things, rather than the presence of things.’
The cynical part of me suspects all the big world religions exist in part to keep women down. That is deeply tragic.
Right. I was clenching my fist too hard again. I was imagining I knew what the world should look like. And when it didn’t conform to my ideas, I seized up. Thoughts with the word ‘should’ in them make me small, dull and lonely.
And as we do know, stress has a tendency to make letting go of one’s need for control even harder. No matter who you are.
Adyashanti said: ‘Listen, if you don’t unquestioningly believe everything you think, if you’re completely mindful (and only when you are), if your attention is unfettered, you will discover a fundamental truth. That the universe operates according to this principle: You will know what you need to know when you need to know it.’
‘You won’t always have what you want, but you’ll always have what you need.’ That was exactly right. And, strangely enough – whenever I relax my hold on my desires, they seem to be fulfilled more easily. May I never forget that lesson.
He eventually settled on using the word non-aversion instead of love. It’s not exactly gushing, but maybe it’s a more realistic goal. Can I strengthen my capacity for non-aversion? To not dislike things. Things in myself and in others.
The meaning of life is to find your gift and give it away
It’s confirmed to me again and again, even out in ‘the normal world’. We don’t live in a random, cold, hostile universe. Quite the opposite. What you send out into the world, that’s what tends to come back to you. The more determined you are to control the circumstances of your life, the more uncomfortable you will feel when you’re reminded that there’s such a thing as trust. Which means you lose out on the benefits of that trust.
I was sobbing. At the same time, another part of me remained calm and faced this new reality with gentle, open eyes. Without resistance. Odd, but not unfamiliar. I still have that part of me to lean on – awareness. The part of me that’s always awake, and never fights reality.
Be the thing you want to see more of in the world
‘I’m rescuing starfish by throwing them back into the water.’ ‘But, child, there must be tens if not hundreds of thousands of starfish on this beach. The few you throw back make absolutely no difference, you see that, don’t you?’ Undeterred, the little girl picks up another starfish. Throws it in. And says: ‘It matters to that one.’
Everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about Be kind Always
Let me give you a piece of advice: never tell a person who’s upset to let it go. It rarely lands well, and just as rarely has the desired effect. The only person we should tell to let things go is ourselves, that’s the only time it works.
It’s not that we stop having those feelings we view as negative or difficult. We just stop identifying with them; we don’t let them occupy us. Then, they can no longer harm us, or make us do things we regret.
