Damaged Grump

by Nicole Snow

Curdled coffee. Moldy banana peels. Opinions on TikTok.

If I’m lucky, she’ll wake up on her own with no clue that she just snuggled up to a rabid porcupine in her sleep.

Way to go, Osprey, you mushy damned Brussels sprout.

“You young people and your damned clock app,” he rumbles, even though he’s not that much older than me.

It’s almost comical in a self-loathing, what-the-fuck-did-you-do way.

Apparently getting off the sauce made my father a sage.

You don’t exactly plan on some cheeky little cherub with an archery kink shooting you in the ass with a love dart.