Love on the Brain

by Ali Hazelwood

Sadly, none of my male cohort ever got how awful WurstFest™ and Cockcluster™ are for women. “Grad school’s stressful for everyone,” Tim would say when I complained about my entirely male advisory committee. “You keep going on about Marie Curie—she was the only woman in all of science at the time, and she got two Nobel Prizes.”

“Left-handed people are more prone to migraines, allergies, sleep deprivation, alcoholism, and on average live three years less than right-handed people.”

When I decided to become a scientist, I figured I’d grapple with theoretical framework issues, research protocols, statistical modeling. Instead here I am, living my best high school life.

I’m pretty sure a psychoanalyst would say that it has to do with the nomadic lifestyle of my

formative years. I’m a stability slut, what can I say?

It’s a self-fulfilling prophecy: groups that are constantly told by society that they’re less smart walk into a testing situation anxious as hell and end up underperforming.

Become a scientist, they said. It will be fun, they said.

fustercluck,