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February 5 - February 6, 2024
As a military brat, I’ve lived all over the world, but mostly in warm, desert climates. The snow, ice, and cold of northwestern Indiana and southwestern Michigan would be a new experience. It wasn’t something I was prepared for, and my wardrobe wasn’t up to the challenge, but I didn’t let that bother me. I guess that means I’ll just need to go shopping for warmer clothes.
Info dump :-/
“What am I supposed to do with a horse?” I stared from the beast to the lawyer.
How do you not know what a dog is?
Bethany Cox liked this
From his tightly buttoned Oxford shirt to his tight lips, Mr. Russell was cautious.
Couldn't come up with another word for tight?
As I pulled away from the curb, something banged the hood of the car. I slammed on the brakes, and that’s when I heard a string of expletives. I looked up and saw a man banging his fist on the car’s hood.
Seriously... something banged the hood of the car--- someone was banging on the car's hood. You don't need to tell us twice!!
complete surprise, he backed up to the passenger seat, never taking his eyes off the man. “I’m terribly sorry. He’s my aunt’s dog . . . well, my great-aunt and . . . ,” I babbled, but the man looked from me to the dog and then backed away. Baby watched until the man was out of sight and then released the tension that made the hair on his neck stand up and eased his butt onto the seat. He looked straight ahead as if nothing had happened. “I have no idea what that was about, but you’re going to need to start anger-management classes if you don’t calm down.” Baby licked his lips and drooled on
...more
What was the point of this scene?
Baby went inside first, but before going inside, I rushed back to the car and pulled it inside the garage and lowered the door.
Feel like this could have been worded differently or completely omitted. Who cares if you put the car in the garage?
now mine,
We know this. You don't need to tell us.
Lake Michigan was vast, and unlike the deep blue of the Pacific Ocean, it was light blue, white, and gray, but there was something appealing in its tumultuous white-capped waves.
poor description
a massive eight-burner gas range that was larger than my first convertible, a Fiat 500C.
A 12' stove??
Bethany Cox liked this
The wooden stairs were rickety and old, and didn’t look very safe. Although it would be nice to have my own private beach access, I wasn’t sure I wanted to risk those stairs. However, private beach access would be an attractive feature.
STOP repeating yourself
“I should have forced you to learn to shoot, but honestly, I always assumed you’d get married, and your husband would do that.”
WTF
“Octavia loved to cook, but she wasn’t big on what she called ‘instant food.’ She had the butcher drop off meat for her and Baby, and when it’s warm, she had arrangements with some of the local farmers for fresh produce deliveries.”
Should be past tense.
When he was done, she let him back inside.
Unnecessary detail
I pulled up to the front of the building. It was a bakery and kitchen store. “How cool.” I snapped a picture. #NewVenture #NewLife #EntrepreneurLife #BabyCakesBakery
It's 11 o'clock at night and you're taking storefront photos?
At least, that’s what I thought it said. In the meantime, rather than merely taking up half of a king-sized bed, Baby had turned horizontally and was now enjoying the entire bed.
Repeating again!
Then he followed me outside to take care of the call of nature.
Unnecessary information
While Leroy opened the back door, Baby, still holding his bone, hiked his leg on the same dumpster he’d used last night. For a big dog, I had to admire his balance.
Why do you keep telling us about the dog's bathroom habits?
I walked around the counter and plastered a fake smile on my face, and hoped it would mask the fear that I felt inside.
I walked around the corner, plastered a fake smile on my face, and hoped it would mask...
You don’t want to make an impulsive decision that could lead to financial disaster and ruin your aunt Octavia’s good name in the process.”
That sounds like a threat.
Michael kissed his grandmother’s cheek, helped her on with her coat, and walked her toward the door.
Helped her put on her coat
care of the call of nature.
This is so annoying!
Then I took a shower and washed the flour out of my hair and went to bed.
shower, washed, and went to bed. GAH!
policeman?
policemen*
Doughboy and Acne Face
This is just plain rude. You could give them names
lighthouse dome
What is that?
I argued with myself about driving by Baby Cakes tonight, technically this morning, but the sun wasn’t up yet, so as far as I was concerned, it was night. Sheriff Johnson told me I couldn’t go inside because it was a crime scene. Plus, she said I should wait until later, when the sun came up, especially since there wasn’t anything I could do. Besides, everything looks better when the sun is shining. However, I couldn’t resist. I had to see what was left of my inheritance.
This paragraph is a mess.
the green, red, and amber-colored treetops.
I could have sworn it was snowing earlier...?
Bethany Cox liked this
I took a quick shower to get the odor of smoke out of my hair, skin, and clothes and then slipped on a pair of skinny jeans and a silk shirt.
Why does she smell like smoke? She didn't go into the building.
I decided against his eating the shells and tossed them down the sink.
What about the garbage can?
My vigorous whisking left me with eggs in my hair, eyelashes, and on the front of my shirt.
Is this for real?
“Hooyah!” My stomach growled, and I went in.
What?
I was so hungry I could have eaten a pair of my Jimmy Choo boots, and I love my Jimmy Choos.
We know... you can't help but name-drop them.
but if Aunt Octavia thought cooking classes was a good idea,
were a good idea
but that’s Indian land. You can’t do anything about that.
Native land
He had her body shipped back to Japan to be buried with her ancestors.
Wouldn't they just be called family?
Hannah was upset, and her eyes flashed. Then, in an instant, it was over. Moments earlier, her eyes were bright and fiery, but a light went out and she was gone.
Did you just say her eyes flashed, twice?
then I gave his rear a smack. #SleepingIn
Hitting your dog is uncalled for
lay down,
Laid down
I could smell his aftershave, which had a light aroma that I recognized as Dolce & Gabbana’s Light Blue for Men, one of my favorites. I inhaled the light, breezy scent.
used light 3x and this seems like a commercial.
Although, that dingbat of a sheriff probably couldn’t find a killer if she caught him standing over the body with the knife still in his hand.”
Was it general knowledge that he was murdered by knife?
Candy smiled. “You’re right. Now that he’s dead, I get everything. At least, that’s what Chris Russell says.”
“Secondly, while we were talking to Candy, I got a text message.” I pulled out my phone and showed it to him. Couldn’t talk in front of the sheriff. Meet me at Baby Cakes. I’ll tell you everything When? Midnight. I have one loose end to tie up first Okay Michael read the texts and then gave me a look that I’d seen many times whenever The Admiral was dead set against something. “You must be out of your mind.” “Nope. I’m pretty sure that I’m not.” “You must be if you think this is a good idea.” “I didn’t say it was a good idea, but how else are we going to get to the truth? He reached out to me.
...more
Is the text from Garrett? How did he get her number?
For a few moments, I panicked. What was I supposed to do? My mind went blank.
Call EMERGENCY SERVICES or go to the hospital!
Those beams are at least twenty feet if they’re a foot.
What?
“Michael.”
should be a question
young, pimply-faced teen
Unoriginal
Baby took his treat and curled up in a dog bed in the corner.
Baby took the treat to his bed in the corner and curled up with it.
but
omit this but
CHAPTER 23
Why is this a new chapter? Chapter 22 was 2 pages long and nothing new is happening here.
“Me, either, and I’m the sheriff and it’s my job.
Me either, and I'm the sheriff, and it's my job.
