I was in turmoil nonetheless, believing somewhere inside me that if I could become capable of greater generosity, then L would be saved. But who or what did I think I was saving him from? I liked to think I was prepared to go to the ends of the earth for L – but only if he upheld his side of the bargain, and was grateful and polite and fitted in with the pleasant, comfortable vision of life I had offered him. Which he would and could never do!
