I just can’t do this unless I’m sure. Unless I’m absolutely, one-hundred percent sure. I’ve already lost so much, and I couldn’t bear to get that close to her, just to lose her. Like everything else in my life. Like every other person I’ve trusted and loved. I just can’t. I’m not strong enough. I know she’s stuck here for a while, and that may be the only reason she’s seeking intimacy with me. I’m just the only person around. But I can’t do this unless it’s real. I am too old to play games.
