Artemis

by Andy Weir

The moon’s a mean old bitch.

There’s nothing more annoying than trust-fund boys looking for “moon poon.”

Stop this gave me psychic damage

“Star Trek?” Trond said. “Seriously? That’s like a hundred years old.” “Quality is quality,” Jin said. “Age is irrelevant. No one bitches about Shakespeare fans.”

I bitch about Shakespeare fans

“Coffee’s just a bad kind of tea,” I said. “Black tea is the only hot drink worth having.”

Have you ever heard of something called ‘ZAFO’?” He raised an eyebrow. “Isn’t that an ancient Greek lesbian?” “No, that’s Sappho.”

Andy’s got jokes

Good morning, Moon!

I read this in the same tone as “good morning Vietnam”

I turned my head inside the helmet, bit a nipple (try not to get excited), and sucked some water out.

“But is there smut in it???” Looking at you, booktok

“Fff—” I began, but I suppressed the “uck you” in my throat. I found a limit to my pride somewhere in there. He could destroy my life with a Gizmo call. I had no choice. “—fffine,” I finished.

Arcade Square (which is a circle) sat in the center of Aldrin Ground, right in the middle of everything.

I didn’t think anyone would get hurt, I just—” “You just thought you’d stir up a billionaire and a mob syndicate and nothing would happen? Fuck you.”

I got ready for a life-or-death game of circular tug-o-war.

Rudy pulled a squirt bottle from his desk and sprayed us both. “Hush,” he said.

Attenuation is the amount of light that gets lost to heat during transmission.” “I know what attenuation is,” I said. But it really didn’t matter.

I just learned what attenuation is

“Thanks for the tip,” I said. “I’ll be ready to jump out of the way if a pressure wave moving the speed of sound comes at me.”

The conductor pulled out her Gizmo scanner in preparation to take fees for the ride. Yes, Sanchez Aluminum charged Sanchez Aluminum employees to ride a Sanchez Aluminum train to the Sanchez Aluminum smelter. Your basic 1800s-style “company store” bullshit.

Yep, that tracks

Only an idiot relies on duct tape to maintain a pressure seal,

This is absolutely a dig at Mark Watney

Why isn’t this in the book? Because it’s boring. Hell, if we learned anything from “The Phantom Menace” it’s this: Never start a sci-fi story with a description of complex macroeconomics.

Thank you Andy weir for not putting this in the book