Plays Well with Others: The Surprising Science Behind Why Everything You Know About Relationships Is (Mostly) Wrong

by Eric Barker

Contempt is anything that implies your partner is inferior to you.

(Yes, eye-rolling is one of the worst things you can do in a marriage,

So if you forget everything else, remember this: how you start an argument is double-super-extra important.

And one reason NSO is so deadly is that it prevents you from seeing those repair attempts by your partner.

we create a lot of problems because we expect our partner to always be a competent, emotionally stable “adult.” They’re not. I’m not. And you’re not.

We’re just less likely to think a child is motivated by conscious malice. We think they must be tired, hungry, or moody. This is, frankly, an excellent thing to do with anyone.

We suspend judgment, listen, and stick to the real problem at hand.

most important thing is a 5:1 ratio of positive to negative.