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Kellan was a friend without being one. A dark, clandestine cave I slinked into when I bothered to get my nose out of my textbooks.
She tasted like sweet venom. Warm and cottony and dreamlike. Deadly toxic. Gorgeously addictive.
I fell down on my knees. My hands hit the concrete, and I felt something. I picked it up, squeezing it in my hand. A penny. He’d left me a gift. His very own version of goodbye.
They say time dulls the pain. They lie. Guilt is pain’s fuel, and it rekindles it every time the flame fades.
I had no idea where we were headed. Hopefully Hell, so I could have the home-field advantage.
Truce?” I curled my fingers, offering him my pinky. He took it in his. We looked comical together, since he was so much bigger than me. “Truce.”
Adolescent love is the greatest pain of all. It teaches you the power other people have to destroy you.
the scent of sugar cookies and cypress assaulted my nostrils. It was too sweet. Too innocent. Too… Charlie?
“Bet you all the pennies in your cheap little purse that I can make you drip cum on my face in less than ten seconds—before I even use my tongue or cock.”
Here’s a life lesson I’d never wanted to learn. Our secrets are nothing but a string of memories we wish to forget.
You did not have an erection after she shared her Big T with you. You did not have an erection after she shared her Big T with you. You did not have an erection after she shared her Big T with you. Spoiler alert: I did. Fuck my life sideways, she’d cried in my arms, and I’d popped a boner like a thirteen-year-old.
My baby
Why can’t I turn off my freaking brain?
If I came again, I was divorcing my body.
“I wasn’t concerned about your sex life because you were a patient,” he said casually. “I’m concerned about it because I want to fuck your brains out until you lose the ability to walk straight. Unfortunately for me.”
I realized I’d forgotten to smile and reminded myself to. People liked smiles. They made them feel comfortable. Told them, “Everything’s okay here. Don’t look too close. Don’t dig too deep.” In other words, smiles were an excuse not to care.
“Tate.” “Charlie.”
“Sandalwood, bonfire, citrus… sex.” “Sex, huh?” His voice was husky and groggy. “I’ll show you sex.”
“A penny for your thoughts,” I whispered to him, my voice still smoky. “I would like to see more of you and less of your clothes. A penny for yours.”
I’d never met an inanimate object as talented at breaking hearts as a book.
I realized, with depressing clarity, that she wasn’t the venom at all. She was the antidote. But the quantities were all off.
Suicide is a war of two fears—fear of death and fear of the thing that pushes you toward it. The stronger side always wins. And if you lose, the penalty is death.
“I think that’s what we’re suffering from. The side effects.” “Of?” “Of love. Grief is a side effect of love. It lasts as long as the love lasts. You get used to the pain until you’re reminded it’s there. That’s how it always works. What you need is a distraction.”
“Pain is growth. Fear is risk. You can’t be happy if you’re not growing and taking risks.”
“Odd weather we’re having,” she noted. “It went from sunny to cloudy real fast.” “Perhaps you irritate nature, too.”
HE WAITED THREE HOURS FOR ME.
We were in the same book, just stuck in different chapters. Would we ever reach the same page?
I was a bookmark in the middle of a novel already written.
We were two empty planets, bound by grief and a gravitational pull neither of us could deny. Destined to collide and end in a fiery death.
“Fucking try me, Teacup.”
“Hi, Charlie.” “Hi, Tate.”
“Oh, and Tate? I love you.”
Tears are the language of grief. And grief is the language of love.
It is a privilege to have parting gifts from someone you love after a sudden death. For there to be something to latch onto each time you miss him.
I don’t hate you, Tate. I might even like you a little. See you in the next life. Maybe we’ll actually be brothers in that one.
I had something to lose again, it also meant I had something to fight for.
Tate held something in his fist. A carrot cake, I realized.
He took me to the place I experienced one of the most traumatic things in my life and turned it into the most beautiful.
And I know Kellan loved me, too. He did, because he gave me the most wonderful gift before he died. He gave me Venom.
