Him (Him, #1)

by Sarina Bowen

The fact that he’d been the first guy I ever loved and the one who made me face some terrifying things about myself…well, all that will go unsaid.

Fuck, he’d looked good. Really good. All golden-boy California hotness, big and blond and sexy as fuck. With those soulful brown eyes—surprising on a blond guy. It’s an understated sexiness, though. Jamie Canning never flaunted his looks in all the time I’d known him. Sometimes I think he’s not even aware of how goddamn attractive he is.

I’m a selfish bastard. Or maybe I’m a fucking masochist. Canning can’t give me what I want, but I still can’t stop myself from wanting it. I want whatever I can get—a conversation, a joke gift, a smile, anything. I might not be able to have the steak, but fuck it, I’m fine with some scraps. I just… I just can’t let him go yet.

Maybe he’s not as carefree as he looks, my conscience suggests. Fuck off, conscience! I’m busy being mad here.

“Your tongue ring…” His voice is hoarse with excitement. “I want to feel it on my cock.” Oh sweet Jesus.

“I just wanted to ask you how Wesley is holding up. Did the first week treat him okay, you think?” Just the sound of his name makes my gut clench. Well, Pat, I just threw myself at him. We made out like porn stars up against the side of a bar. Then he gave me the brush-off. And I don’t have any idea what any of it means.

Fuck me. I’m a strong guy. I’m a tough guy. But I was not built to withstand the sight of Jamie Canning stroking himself.

I realize this is the first time I’ve seen him naked in the light of day, and his skin gleams in the sunlight peeking through the curtains. He’s all muscle. All man. And all those questions I’d asked myself last night—Am I really attracted to him? Would I like it if we hooked up? Am I totally crazy?—I know the answers to them now. Yes, yes, and maybe.

There’s a warm feeling in my belly when I look at him. And it’s not just sexual. It’s…comfortable. Like we’re close even when he’s twenty yards ahead. I wear a consciousness of him like a second skin. Okay, that sounds a little creepy. A little too Silence of the Lambs. Sunshine and sexual confusion have gone to my head.

“Keep doing that. Please…don’t stop…” This guy is under the impression that stopping is even an option. I would, of course, if he asked me to, but as long as he’s begging for my mouth? For my finger? Nothing short of dying will stop me from giving it to him. I’ll give him every fucking part of myself, serve it to him like a feast at a banquet. Jamie Canning has no idea the kind of power he has over me.

“Want you,” I whisper. Lately, those two words define me. “Have me,” he says.

I fucking love you, and I know that’s inconvenient. But I didn’t get a chance to tell you in Lake Placid, so I’m telling you right now. Just in case we can ever get more than a summer. I love you, and I wish things were different.”

I’ve missed him. So fucking much I’ve been walking around with a hollow chasm in my chest where my heart used to be. But that gaping hole is full again. My heart is back, because Jamie is here. And he fucking loves me.

“I love you.” I rub the pad of my thumb over his bottom lip. “Loved you every summer since I was thirteen years old. Love you even more now.”

Dear Ryan. Thank you for making Jamie so happy. He loves you and so do we. Welcome to the Canning clan.