A Strange and Stubborn Endurance (The Tithenai Chronicles #1)

by Foz Meadows

That they’d been left facing each other felt deliberate. It wasn’t quite a kindness, but as it would’ve been crueler by far to keep them hidden from each other, Cae gritted his teeth and allowed himself to feel viciously grateful for it.

“Don’t,” said Cae, the word lurching out before he could stop it. He gritted his teeth, aware that he was betraying a weakness by appealing to the sympathy of a man who had none, and yet he could do nothing but plead for Velasin’s life. “Don’t kill him. Please.”

As the knot came free, Velasin groaned and flopped onto his back. Cae knelt beside him, untying the remaining rope with vicious satisfaction. When he was done, he leaned over Velasin’s body and grabbed the cup and pitcher that Ren Adan had, presumably for his own amusement, left sitting just to the side of the vomit. Pulling Velasin into his lap, Cae cradled his head with one hand and held the water to his lips with the other, urging him to drink.

“Please, don’t.” Caethari shut his eyes, and I realised then that his tears were for more than just my survival. “Not yet. I can’t—right now, I just need to know that you’re well. That someone I love made it out of this undamaged.” My heart about stopped in my chest. “I’m someone you love?” Caethari laughed weakly. “I ought to hedge, I suppose, but yes. I’m too tired to lie. My sisters—” He broke off, raw pain in his eyes, before continuing, “—my sister will tell you, I’ve always been prone to falling fast, and you, Vel … I’ve been falling for you since the day you got here.” He inhaled sharply, looking away. “And I’m—I’m sorry if that’s too much, too soon, but I can’t—under the circumstances, I can’t bring myself t—” I reeled him in by the nape of the neck and kissed him. Not a deep kiss, as I lacked the energy, nor even open-mouthed, as I surely tasted terrible, but a lingering press, into which I put all the dizzying things Cae made me feel. “I can’t say it yet,” I whispered, when we finally broke apart. “I’m not—it doesn’t come easy to me, but I think—I feel—if you give me time—” “Take all the time you need,” Cae rasped, and pressed a kiss to my forehead. His lips were dry and cool, and if I felt a tear or two slip into my hairline, I didn’t remark upon it.

As we ate together, a strange sensation startled to bubble beneath my chest: a sort of fizzing lightness like champagne bubbles. Here were the two people I cared about most in all the world, grinning at each other and me as we shared a meal: a tiny pocket of joy in the midst of a turbulent world. The feeling reached out of me like tendrils, encompassing the prospect of Riya, Kivali and Liran’s child; the friendship offered by Nairi and her soldiers; the growing bond between Markel and Ru Telitha. It almost felt familiar, but it wasn’t until Caethari dropped a little sun on Markel’s plate and urged him to try it, lighting up at the rapturous expression that crossed his face when he did so, that I realised what it was. It felt like family.

Out there contained a great many things that neither of us, in that particular moment, felt equipped to deal with—but in here, in bed, we had only each other. Caethari had said he loved me.

though I wasn’t yet sure that what I felt was love, he was dear to me, and wonderful.