More on this book
Community
Kindle Notes & Highlights
“Can’t you at least let me pretend to play hard to get?” “Fine.” I arch an eyebrow at him. “Carry on.” “I’m actually really busy later. There’re the things that need to be done and the other things that need attention. It’s going to take the whole day.” I pretend like his fake resistance isn’t endearing. “Feel better?” “Much.”
Deep down, he’s not craving sex. He craves affection.
“You shaved.” “I did.”
“Who said you’re staying over?” “Me. And we both know I win at these things eventually.” His voice drags out teasingly as he walks away, off exploring my place on his own. The problem is, Ezra’s right. More and more lately, he’s been getting his way. It’s curious the way he wears me down because sometimes I don’t even try to fight it. Like tonight. He’ll be staying over, but it won’t be in the spare room.
don’t think I’m scared of the attention,” he says. “I just don’t want people to define me and jump to conclusions.” “News flash, everyone defines everyone. Everyone makes snap judgments when they don’t know you.
I want attention but not too much attention. I want a connection deeper than sex, but I don’t want to get too personal.
Because when you’re raised by two people who are more interested in bitching each other out than showing their kid love and support, you can’t help growing up to be closed off to anything more. People. Relationships. Love. I don’t want any of it. Except when he leans over and presses a kiss to the top of my head, I’m starting to suspect that I really, really do.
Fuck. I’m not losing this game.
I remind myself that being friendly in public with Ezra isn’t going to make me fall for him unless I let it. So I won’t let it.
“Your aim was to flirt with him to turn me on.” I press my hard cock into his thigh. “Mission accomplished.”
“Even though it’s me?” “Especially because it’s you.”
I don’t ask him to elaborate because I don’t think either of us could handle it. Whether he meant the animosity made things hotter, or the teammates aspect, or it just being me? I don’t know, and I don’t want to. So I keep kissing him. Until we’re both out of breath and we can pretend like his words are forgotten.
“I would love to go with you. As your friend. But the team is definitely going to give us shit about it.” Anton shrugs. “Let them.” “What time do we have to leave?” “In twenty.” “Will they have food there? I’m starving.” “Go shower. I’ll make you something to eat on the way.” “Aww, thanks.”
Aww look at those domestic bitches<3
It wasn’t—” I slam my mouth shut because I don’t know what was about to come out of it. “Wasn’t what?” I struggle to find any word that describes Anton. “Intense.”
“You are not a terrible person.” “Because I’m an aweso—” “Nope.” He pinches my chin and leans in, dark eyes locked with mine. “No joking. You are an awesome person, Ez. And while we do this thing, you’re also my person. If anyone says that shit to you, they get to face both of us.”
I need to do it to prove to Anton that he can’t see through me. Even though he can.
The reality is, though, that people still care. And they’ll continue to care until it’s normalized, and the only way for that to happen is for people to live their truth.
“Then dance with me, Ez?”
“You’re smiling.” “Why wouldn’t I be?”
“I like … you,” he finally says.
I pull him closer than two friends would comfortably dance, half-terrified, half-high from the moment.
I still haven’t worked out how to deal with those thoughts yet, but I figure I don’t need to either.
I’ve never cared about someone else’s happiness more than my own. I’ve never wanted to spend every moment with someone. I’ve never wanted to be vulnerable and feel safe with one person while protecting him with everything I have.
We may not have said we’re together officially, but … we’re together, aren’t we? At least, I want to be. And that’s scary in its own right because I’ve never done the relationship thing before. But I’ve also never tried. I’d never done the monogamous thing before you, and it’s surprisingly easy because … you’re the only one I want to be with.”
“I’m falling for you.”
I’m so privileged to be surrounded by a queer-positive community, but having a safe space doesn’t just happen. It’s the result of years and years of hard work. Of all the people before me owning who they are. It comes from visibility and open conversations; it comes from challenging people’s beliefs and from people who have influence, people like me, showing we’re proud of who we are.
“Ignore my boyfriend. He’s the superstitious type.”
If anything, the pressure he used to put on me as a child could’ve crippled any desire I had to play in the NHL. It’s lucky I love the game more than I hate him.
I’m worthy of healthy relationships. It is possible to love me.
