Out of the Corner

by Jennifer Grey

From childhood, I’d absorbed the knowledge that when you’re in the eye of the storm, the play’s the thing. All vanity and perfectionism must be abandoned. Do whatever you need to do to make it work, to survive. Get busy finding a solution to whatever the challenge is, and what you’ll come up with is often better than if all had gone swimmingly.

The amount of time and money women spend on average—the self-loathing, self-criticism, addiction to perfectionism, incessant advice giving and getting from girlfriends, obsessing over the wrong guy, starving ourselves, working out, preening, improving, body shaming, trying to figure out what men really want, waxing, lasering, exfoliating, and religiously lubricating—as if it was our life’s work!

Why spend days and nights making yourself into some misshapen idea of what’s better for men?

Why did we imagine the great career he would have instead of considering, “How do I become a force in the world?” Spending so much of a young life toiling in preparation to be deserving of some imaginary man’s attention, affection, and commitment is insanity. The idea that we need to do anything to be deserving of love? As if we’re supposed to be more than we already are!

Women have an uncanny ability to adapt to please others, to refrain from privileging themselves out of fear of what might ensue.

Blurry mothers’ faces could be printed on milk cartons, “MISSING—Have you seen me? Last known location: Whole Foods in the organic frozen foods section.”