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Could a bear get me out here? A wolf? Christ, what if fucking Sasquatch got me?
“Right. Well, now that we’ve established that, off you fuck,”
“Listen, fucker—”
“I’m baby B. I’m wasp. I’m… bum-bumblebee,” I said the last part with a quake to the word. “You should be, like, hornet ass or something.”
“Come on, hornet ass,”
“Easy, baby B. Can’t let you get hurt. Hornet ass would get pissed.”
Fuck, is she a goddamn beaver gnawing on my log?
“Here, kitty, kitty, kitty,” I called out, pulling the door open and falling into the hall. I crashed against the opposite wall as Drake called out to see if I was OK. “The cats! The fucking cats can drive! I’m going insane. I fucked up!” I rushed away to the confused cackle of the goats and a suspicious looking leopard. God, I hated cats.
“Can you let me in before the fucking leopard gets me? He followed me the whole way here.”
I peered out, confused off my ass but knowing I couldn’t let the nutbag stand out in the hallway talking to me.
“Why is your half-naked, crazy ass here, you Russian fuck-cheese?”
“That’s nice. Real nice. You’re friends with the fucking leopard in the hall, aren’t you?”
“Fu-fucking sugar rush. Fuck, these pants are made of protein!”
“Don’t put that shit brick in my bed—”
“I can’t,” he moaned. “You fucking piranha.”
Fucking goats, man. They kept laughing at me.
He even screamed about the leprechauns in my closet and asked me why I had such a bug infestation.
“What the hell do you want? Come to get the fucking leopard?”
I had these fucking turtles all over the place, man, and I miss my girl. The turtles had teeth. Like, big ones.
Can you tell the horns to stop playing the piano?”
you fucking Russian dicklick,”
you fucking German taterdick.”
