Where There's a Will (Lost Boys, #1)

by Jessie Walker

“My bad, Grumpy Bear,” he murmurs.

Hehe

He sucks in his cheek, watching me carefully as he seems to weigh his response. Little does he know, that’s all the fucking answer I need.

they know each other so well (their souls and stuff anyway)

“Why are you still so mad at me? Why did it even matter that I beat up Billy?

Will beating a kid for Way is hehe but also LOLLL

everything seems to just...tighten. My throat. My chest. My sweatpants, for fuck’s sake.

Tmi??? ToT also over a finger brush is crazyyy either u need to get laid or u in loveeeee (it MUST be the latter bc i said so)

“04-05-15″ I unlock his screen and scroll through to find his Spotify app. “What’s the date for?” “It’s the day my dad went to prison.”

Crazy but valid resent and "petty" if u can call it that (Fuck Waylons dad)

and what’s that saying about horses?

Save a horse ride a cowboy?

You’re safe. I’ll never let him touch you again. I swear⁠—

Yea u tell em

“Because in the end, the only thing we have to fear in the dark are the things we run from in the light of day.”

Deep

Because this storm will end like all storms end. And without the eye’s protective cocoon, we don’t stand a chance against the damage left in its wake come morning.

:(

I want this Waylon, but I’ll only ever have the memory of the boy I knew. Never the man he’s becoming. Because this Waylon will never want me back, and it’s time I fucking get that through my thick, stubborn skull.

Love that the only thing holding him back is that Way "wont like him back"… i know damn well Way likes Will

I want him to want me tonight.

I want him to want u too Will

I don’t take my eyes off the silhouette of Waylon’s face as I slide my hands up, up, up, until they’re firmly circling his waist. My thumbs brush the soft skin just above his waistline where the shirt has ridden up, and I hate that I can barely see his reaction. I hate that my vision still twists from the alcohol when I try too hard to focus or move too fast.

Tis betta than porn

black, sparkling orbs

PLS STOP WITH THE ORBS

“Stop me,” I tell him gravelly, bitterly, desperately, “because I fucking can’t.”

"Dont stop!" i say as they drag me into my white room

he snarls, “I hate you.” I smile a sad, breathy smile against his bared teeth. “Show me.”

aghhhh UGHHHH

And if the heart doesn’t get what it wants? It becomes violent.

.

“I hate you.” If this is hate, baby, I think, licking across his teeth, I don’t know if I’d survive your love.

Omg Will babe stop pls if i was giggling im dying now bc AGHHHH

I run my thumbs over his peaked nipples, rolling my left one roughly over his piercing, and I suddenly need to know what that thing feels like between my teeth.

He should get his second nip pierced too

and I bite down. Hard. The metal piercing snagging on my teeth.

Betta than pay gorn

Our time is up.

ITS NOT

I spot Will’s phone in my periphery and grab it, praying it doesn’t require a passcode. It doesn’t. That fucking idiot, that beautiful fucking idiot.

Lol

“Please don’t hate me.” I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry⁠— Because it’s no longer his voice in my head. It’s mine. Please don’t fucking hate me.

I hate ur dad dw my bb

“They’ll take you away.”

I hope they do u sorry excuse of a father!! ^^

Our friendship was over the second my dad threatened to call his parents and tell them what he saw. Us holding hands.

:|

If I loved someone like he loved my mom, and that person died, and I was stuck with the reason they died...well, I wouldn’t be too happy either. I’d hate me too.

Parents decision. Not ur fault.

Reggie’s fingers are pressed to his neck—right over the fucking hickey I gave his nephew, for fuck’s sake.

Awkwardddd

“You gave him fucking heroin?”

Wtf i dont want Waylon to be a heroin addict

They need...space...from one another right now, I think.” I nod in agreement. I don’t know what Ivy’s deal is, but I’ve a feeling their closeness might not be as healthy as they like to believe.

???

From the second we’re conceived, all the heart really wants is death.

Noted

Living isn’t prolonging the inevitable; it’s simply prolonging the acceptance of the truth our minds keep from our bodies.

Well ok wow

It was easier to just not give a shit.

I hate him, I realize. In this moment, I truly and fucking hate Will Foster.

At least u care???……

“The cycle always repeats itself.”

The thing about cycles are that they are just like rules. They are meant to be broken.

I don’t know. All I do know is I’m tired. I’ve been tired for a long-ass time.

Real

“Hey, Sass. Long time, no see.”

Who names their cat Sass (love it)

She nearly shredded your arm apart when you grabbed her,”

So Way is like a black kitty

Between that and what was happening with her brother during that time, we became closer than ever before.

Im guessing Izzy's bro did stuff like Way just did?

Resignation settles sourly in my stomach as I catch the words “licensed psychologist” and “addiction” and “childhood trauma”— “Therapy?” I ask flatly. “Therapy.”

Bro u need it

I blow out a cloud of smoke, grimacing at that last thought. Delusional much?

Delulu is the solulu

It’s you, it’s you, it’s always been fucking you. Don’t you fucking get that?

Crying bc its the way Will left the soon to be suicidal kid to get together with a suicidal boyfriend.

repetition compulsion. Basically, it’s the brain’s way of processing what happened and trying to figure out how to fix it.

Thanks for the psych lesson ig

“You’re allowed to be fucking pissed off, regardless of what you know to be true. You can’t change how you feel. You can only feel it. It doesn’t make you a bad person, Will. It just makes you human.”

“Where there’s a will, there’s a way, right?” he says simply. His mouth ticks up. “It made me laugh thinking about it. I couldn’t get the words out of my head after that. They just kept playing on this...endless, delirium-ridden loop. Like a song stuck in my head on repeat. I just kept thinking how it was a play on our names, and it just...it hit me.”

YAYYAYAAYAYAYYAAA

All I know is that today, I made the decision to let him go once and for all. And Waylon stopped me.

YIPEEEEEEEEEEEEE

“Way?” “Yeah.” “Don’t let him win.” I frown, thinking he means Will.

Shawn means ur biological father

He doesn’t say anything right away, then, “You’d have done the same—you have done the same. We’re friends, right? That’s what friends do.” I search his face. “Yeah. Friends.”

Yeah haha friends

dropping Bridge to Terabithia

THAT BOOK R U FUCKIN KIDDING T-T

I am drowning. Drowning in overwhelming want for this guy. This fucking guy who just told me I was once his everything, when I was sure I was only ever his nothing.

“I’m a borderline alcoholic with a massive case of internalized homophobia. I also have PTSD—no, sorry, complex PTSD, because apparently regular PTSD wasn’t bougee enough for me,”

Crazy work author

How can you be traumatized from something when it’s all you’ve ever known?”

Well