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A thick thigh between his own, so different from the soft skin he’d known before. Cynthia had been all curves and give. Colton’s body was like a blade, so hot and sharp against his.
He cherished their time together, had been hungry for more of it, so much that he’d invited Colton to live with him for the summer.
How could he answer that? What he felt was so tangled and deep it couldn’t be parsed into individual emotions.
There was something intoxicating about making someone you cared for orgasm. And he’d liked doing it. Maybe not enough to try sucking off more guys, but he liked sucking Colton’s cock.
sometimes it be like that!!
He couldn’t imagine being in bed with anyone else at all, really.
honestly convinced this is a double Demi awakening
He was made to love other people.
This was harder than he’d thought, now that the time had arrived. All the days and nights and kisses they’d shared flickered within him like fireflies, memories that told him it would be all right. He could ask this. He could ask for this.
HE IS SO BRAVE AND VULNERABLE I CANNOT
He’d be okay if Nick didn’t want to make love to him like that. Maybe a little bit empty, in some way, always craving more of Nick than what he was given, but he’d be okay. But…
Maybe a little bit empty, in some way, always craving more of Nick than what he was given, but he’d be okay.
“You’re beautiful, Colton. Sometimes I can’t breathe when I look at you.”
He was thinking so loud Nick had to hear him, had to know what his whole body was vibrating with. I love you I love you I love you I love you—
More moments when Colton was his, when he could look at Colton and think, I cherish him, and for right now, he cherishes me.
Didn’t you know this was how it was going to end? It always ends like this. People leave when you’re yourself.
To love what he saw when Colton showed him his carefully concealed heart, cradled in the palms of his hands.
Colton walked out Nick’s front door—this isn’t home anymore—and headed for the elevator.
If one more person looked at him like he was a barely tolerable presence, someone to be put up with—it was just summer—he was going to shrivel up and blow away.
“It’s hard to live in this world, son,” the old man said. “Some days are harder than others. But they even out, in the end. Eventually.” Eventually. Someday, maybe, he wouldn’t feel like this. Like he’d spent his whole life waiting for one person to love him, but when he thought he’d found them, they scooped him out and left him hollow and empty like an old fruit rind.
Why did no one ever love him back? Why was it so easy for people to leave him? What was wrong with him that made everyone walk away, go back to their own lives, and leave him behind? It was just summer.
I’m sorry, Dad. I wish I’d run the right way for you. I’m sorry I kissed you, Nick. I should have kept this to myself. I shouldn’t have wanted more than I deserved, and I shouldn’t have come between you and Justin.
He was Colton Hall. He loved Nick Swanscott. It was a truth he couldn’t escape from, run from, or bury. He couldn’t hide from what he felt or what he wanted or who he wanted. And it didn’t matter if Nick didn’t love him back. The heart craved what it craved, and he loved Nick whether Nick loved him or hated him or wanted nothing to do with him.
Colton didn’t have a job. He didn’t have a football team. He didn’t even have a best friend anymore. He had the taste of sweet summer wine on his lips and memories of candlelight flickering on someone else’s skin. He was Colton Hall, and he loved a man who didn’t love him back.
He was alone. He was so fucking alone. All he wanted, in the whole world, was for one person to love him. Nick.
Memories slammed into him, again. He’d never be free of the moments they’d shared.
In his dreams, he was always running to Nick. Running across the field, or running to catch up to him, or, recently, running to chase him as he slipped away. Always, always him running to Nick, but at one a.m. in the middle of a dark street, Nick ran to him.
Something invisible connected them, a tie that ran from his heart to Nick’s and back. It was battered and frayed now, but still there. Still strong.
He only wanted to be loved, and cherished, and needed by one person in the world. And he was.
“I got so busy taking care of other people that I forgot I could want, and need, and yearn, too.
“The only thing I ever wanted more than football was for someone to love me.” Colton’s voice was small and soft. His deepest secret, laid bare for Nick to have and to hold.
And yeah, Justin seemed okay with them now, but there was a difference between being okay with something and hearing your dad fucking your friend through the mattress.
lol
