In this group we saw a recurring script emerge, a “neutralization discourse,” as it is called by criminologists. This entails using language that reduces agency, as all of us do when we feel defensive, from an early age—phrases like “It wasn’t my fault” or “They started it” are familiar examples. The careful constructs I heard in the group also framed the abuse as somehow consensual, with lines like “She flirted with me,” or “She never said no,” or even “I loved her… This was how we showed our love for each other.” There were also overlapping descriptions of how the CSO leveraged affectional
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