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“I didn’t need you to rescue me.” “Oh, I know.” The corner of his mouth goes up. “But isn’t it nice to have the patriarchy conspire to benefit you for once?”
ANJAYYYYYY SBDJWMXMKSKMSKXSJ LENNNN
AND THAT, FRIENDS, IS HOW LADY JUSTICE FINDS herself straddling the patriarchy atop a well-made bed, knocking a mini basketball off the plaid comforter with a sharp, mid-encounter kick. As the ball rolls across the rug, there are giggles, a bit of a head bump, and then some serious making out. It is, all in all, a pretty good time.
WHAT THE ACTUAL F???????
“Can I change somewhere?” I ask Len. “Here’s fine.” When I give him a look, he adds, laughing, “Or, bathroom’s down the hall.”
Why are you guys so funnyyyy
“Your hair looks pretty like that,” he says, when I’m done. My face warms. I’m not used to hearing something like that so directly from a boy—especially from Len, of all people. And I admit that it sends me into a euphoria that I’m immediately afraid of losing, like a Lindt truffle that you can only savor while it melts. This is the male gaze, I realize. It’s wonderful and horrible at the same time.
LOL MALE GAZE
“So, you like this boy?” What the actual F. Do I have it written on my forehead? How does she know? Is everyone going to know? “No,” I lie.
WHY IS IT ABOUT ASIAN MOM THAT'S SO TERRIFYING?!
“It’s a problem when you’re naturally pretty. A lot of boys will try to bother you, but you can just ignore them. You don’t need to like the first boy who likes you. You can be discerning, even a little uppity. There will always be someone chasing you, but you need to maintain self-respect.”
EXACTLY WHAT MY MOTHER WOULD SAY
It’s easy to dismiss Mom’s beliefs about germs, but when it comes to this sexuality stuff, it’s another story. I hate to admit it, but her conviction rattles me. Part of this is due to the fact that my counterauthority, also known as American culture, seems itself divided. Was hooking up with Len stupid or empowering? Did I lose any self-respect in the process? Am I going to get hurt now?
Ahhh that familar liminal space
Me: Not really. Kim is about to lose it because she’s actually studying. Unlike me . . . Len: Oh, is someone else already distracting you?
IT'S YOU LENNNNN
No, it’s all right. But I should probably work on some calc homework now. His response, which comes lightning fast, isn’t one I’m prepared for. Okay, me too. Want to compare answers? I never thought that question could thrill me quite this much, but it’s because no one has ever meant it the way he does now: Wait, don’t get off the phone. I still want to talk to you.
YES YES YES I CAN RELATE
Let’s do whatever you want. My heart, of course, flutters to see it. But it’s so easy for him to say that, to be gallant and accommodating. Because if the truth comes out, it’s not his identity that will get boiled down into a single hookup. No, I’m the one who doesn’t want anyone to know. Because I’m the one who everyone will say is doing something wrong.
How complicated:(
Len’s laughing, too, but oddly, he makes no comment, and his look lingers in a small, quiet way that feels like it should be private even from me.
“You’re a girl,” Serena warns, when I don’t respond. “Len will get a pat on the back, but you’re gonna get torn apart by the judgment. You won’t survive it if this gets out.”
Harsh truth....
We’re always making these distinctions, I realize, because we hope they will somehow protect us—just as I once insisted on separating myself from Serena, we’re now desperate to distance ourselves from Vicki. But the harshness we fear, in reality, seeps through to all of us, no matter how many lines we draw.
“He seems nice,” I say. Len takes a sip from his drink. “I didn’t know you had a thing for pitchers.” “I didn’t know pitchers had a thing for me.”
“I drove here, and I didn’t know how long I’d be staying.” He kind of glances at me when he says this.
HE'S WAITING FOR YOU ELIZA HE IS LOOKING OUT FOR YOUUUUU
“I wish I could be as badass as her.” “She kind of reminds me of you.” I turn toward him, surprised, and that’s when he catches me with the kiss. Even though I’ve been waiting for it all night, I’m still not prepared for how good it feels—how completely lost I can get, how much I want to be lost.
AAAWWWWW
“What’s wrong, Len?” He looks away. “I posted the manifesto.”
I KNEW IT. I FREAKIN KNEW IT ALL ALONG
This time, though, it’s even worse than before, because I know it was Len who first ripped open my private thoughts and scattered them around for everyone to read. It was Len who violated a place I thought was safe, setting off a whole heap of humiliation and vitriol that I had to fight off without any help from him. And, worst of all, he never said a word about it. He’s been as good as lying to me this entire time. Len, the boy who twirled me into falling in love, trampled on my trust before I even consented to dance.
“You’re so goddamn self-righteous, Eliza. You have so many principles. But when are you gonna admit that even you can’t live up to all of them? When are you gonna admit that sometimes, you don’t even want to?”
Trueeee stop being so perfect eliza
“I think Macbeth is an extremely misogynistic play,” she declares. A buzz ripples across the room at this unexpected assertion. It’s a big claim. “How so?” says Ms. Boskovic. “All the reasons everyone’s been saying,” says Serena. “Lady Macbeth is the main female character, but she’s super evil. Which isn’t cool because she also bucks gender norms by being strong and ambitious. She’s totally being punished for behaving in masculine ways.”
WOOOOO WAY TO GO SERENAA
“Maybe the fact that we see it that way says something about us.”
Hmmm much to think abt
“It’s not about how smart you are.” Mom pours some vegetable oil into the wok. “As a woman, you should pick a career that is not too demanding. You’ll see, having children and taking care of the family is hard work. It’s too much to do both.”
Different generation, different mindset
“Because none of you have noticed how everyone’s reaction to this entire situation has still been one hundred percent sexist.”
OW YESSSS WINONA!!! Emg si reaksinya orang2 setelah insiden itu semua pada mojokin eliza, like.... Slut shaming?? Girls pushing down other girls? While len malah dapet pujian? That is def sexist.
Because if something isn’t finished, it can never really be judged. You’ll never have to reckon with the fact that maybe it—and you—didn’t live up to your expectations.
“Tell us about that button you’re wearing.” Serena points at his shirt. “Oh yeah,” says Len. “As I’m sure you also know, there have been some pretty ugly rumors going around about Eliza and me. So I just wanted to set the record straight. Whatever Eliza gets called, I should be, too. It’s not fair that only she has to deal with that crap.”
I WANT ONE LEN PLEASE
