The Worst Best Man

by Mia Sosa

Strength is a state of mind, and I’m willing it into existence, dammit.

“I’m going to be honest here and tell you I fucking hate that Andrew knows your secrets. He doesn’t deserve to.” Okay, then. I guess we’re talking about this whether I want to or not. “So, what? You think you do?” “I’d take better care of them,” he says softly.

I wish you would see the potential in us. I know it’s hard to see me with new eyes, especially given our history, but there’s something here. I don’t know what it is exactly, but it’s strong enough that I don’t want to shut the door on it. It’s a big ask, I know. And it’s complicated. There are probably a dozen reasons why we shouldn’t even try. And maybe you can’t see yourself being with me. But I want you to know that if there’s any chance for us, I’ll take it.”

I want to talk about the fact that I’ve been a pigheaded fool.”

“I told you that I couldn’t be your second choice. Said there was too much history between Andrew and me to get past it. But I was wrong. Totally and completely wrong. It doesn’t matter if I’m your first or hundredth choice as long as I’m the right choice. And I am, Lina. I swear it. I’ll scale your walls to show you how much I care. And I’ll take every vulnerable part of you and handle it with care. I fucked up. I know this. But if you let me, I’ll spend the rest of my days proving to you that I’m your person. Because I love you.”

Let me in again, baby. Let me be the one who’ll have your back. The one who’ll never judge you. The one who’ll adore you, and get you to let loose.” He swipes his thumbs under my eyes. “The one who’ll only make you cry for the sappiest reasons.”

I’ll be honest: You’ve always scared me. By putting my trust in you and in our relationship, I’m exposing myself to the kind of hurt that I won’t recover from easily. But I think you’ve earned that place, and I’m ready to take that leap. Because you’ve challenged me to think about the shield around my heart and who deserves to get past it. I’m certain that you’re my safe space. That I can be exactly who I am with you, and you won’t judge me for it. You’ll actually love me for it. And I want to be that safe space for you, too. When you’ve had a terrible day or something’s gone wrong, I want you to think of me and my arms as your place of comfort. Because I love you, Max, and I want to be with you, too.”

And just so we’re clear,” I say. “You’re neither my first choice nor my second choice. You’re my only choice.”