“And I’ll get you logged in,” Taj says, turning to me—but then he pauses. “Actually, you know what? You want to grab some coffee before the actors get here?” “Oh! No thanks, I’m good. First-day jitters. Can’t have caffeine, or I’ll turn into Sonic the Hedgehog. Or a vibrator.” Hello, yes, hi? I’d like to speak with a manager, please, about the possibility of me voluntarily bursting into flames? Because I, for some unknowable fucking reason, decided to refer to myself as both a Sega Genesis character and a sex toy on my first day of work. Also, I can’t stop staring at those suspenders. And that
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