I Had a Miscarriage: A Memoir, a Movement

by Jessica Zucker

“Your pain is just as real and valid and important as anybody else’s. Your loss matters because it is your loss. Your hope, dashed. Your body, grieving. Your sadness. Your love. Try to resist the urge to compare and contrast. There needn’t be a loss/grief hierarchy. It only serves to minimize your experience. Face your pain without distracting it by somehow making it less than. Or too much. You are significant. Your heart is shattered. Lean into the ache. It’s yours.”

Sometimes—I found rather quickly—having history with someone doesn’t necessarily protect you from egregious statements, unintended harsh comments, or unfortunate stalemates. Sometimes, instead, hearing afflictive words from someone you’ve known your entire life can be arresting, blanketing you in an isolation no one should ever know.

This is what support looks like. This is what we all deserve: to be buoyed no matter where we are. To be heard. To be validated. To be nurtured. To be safe. To be steady. These are the ways of support. You are entitled to your feelings. They are yours, and yours alone.

“Sometimes things happen to us and they deepen our work. They incite a metamorphosis or a deepening of something we’ve already started. I believe your loss will do this.”

I love you for helping me better understand suffering and resilience.