Close Quarters

by Kandi Steiner

For me, a photograph was an entire world. If you caught the right moment, the right lighting, the right subject — a photograph wasn’t just a mirror image. It was a feeling, something that struck you to your core, something that made you pause and reflect. You’d look at it just as much as it would look at you — each of you tilting your heads a bit, digesting, feeling vulnerable. Feeling seen.

“I think it’s important to put yourself first sometimes. Do what makes you happy. Say no when you don’t want to do something. Say yes to whatever you love, even if others don’t understand or support it. Choose yourself every now and then, because if you don’t, then who else will?”

“I feel like there have been two of me my entire life,” I said. “The me stuck in this body, going through the motions, doing what I thought I should be doing. And the me who watched from the outside, silently walking behind me, hoping I’d take a moment just to turn back and remember there was more to me than I realized.”

“I… relate, actually. It’s easy to get caught up in taking the steps we think we’re supposed to take. And there is joy along the way, sure, but there’s also this ache that something is missing.”

“But we will find a way. We will make it work. Because if I’ve learned one thing this summer, it’s that now that I know you exist in this world, I cannot live without you existing in mine, too.”