The Prayers We Pray (The Path of Temptation, #5)

by Auryn Hadley

"Every ending is a chance for a new beginning. As one year winds to a close, new opportunities will arise. Let us release the things of the past, learn from the mistakes we have made, be proud of the successes we've all had, and vow to do even better next year."

"It's the moments like this," Merci said, lifting her voice to those who could hear her, "that remind us that life isn't something to rush through. Good times and bad, sorrow and joy, they all add together to make memories. Embrace the nostalgia of what came before, and then open yourself to the opportunities of tomorrow."

"Tonight is supposed to be a time for reflection and thought. Not petty drama and stories that will fill the city news tomorrow!" "And by even being here," Kinen told them, "you're giving credence to this girl. Her lace is nothing more than a mistake. The fact that you talk about her in your own temples is an embarrassment for me. Control your own priests before you talk about how I control mine!" Then he turned to me. "I will not allow you to cause a scene like this again, Nariana." "True power isn't made from denying the rights of others," I told him. "You want to make this all my fault, but you refuse to accept any of your own responsibility. I didn't start this. You did, but you're shocked that I won't allow you to berate me constantly? I thought we'd found a balance. I stayed out of your way. I did nothing to threaten your position in the temple!"

"Do this again, and I will have no choice but to remove you from the temple, Nariana." "I did not do this," I shot back. "I wanted nothing more than a holiday with my family - one I haven't seen much of since I was surrendered. But if you want to start throwing out threats, then fine. Try to get rid of me, Kinen. I promise that you will go first. You see, I really do have a god on my side. We could've worked together. I could've made you the most important High Priest in history, but your fears tempted you to make all the wrong decisions." He grabbed my cheeks in one hand and shoved his face at mine. "And initiates are still under my control. This is my temple. I don't care if you like it or not. I am the one with the power here, and I intend to keep it." "So does Zeal," I assured him. "I am nothing more than his voice. If you get rid of me, another will rise up to replace me." And I tapped the symbol on my chest. "The snake has five heads, Kinen. For now."

I just loved her. I loved her pride, her mind, and definitely her heart. I loved how she was never ashamed of her sexuality, and how she'd chosen me when she could've had so much better.

It was Nari who got all of us in there, Tishlie." "Her?" Tishlie scoffed. "Please. Just because you're friends with the baroness doesn't mean anything. It also isn't going to last. The High Priest has already sent a letter to Baron Tath. Once he hears what you're doing with his wife, he'll make sure that she's never allowed in the temple again." Talin groaned. "That is not how it works," he told Tishlie. "Does no one in this temple have any clue of the laws we're supposed to be living by?" "Tishlie is lucky she can remember her name most days," Nari said. "Don't expect her to understand the laws of Calseth. I'd be surprised if she's even read the words of Zeal."

"There is a reason that Zeal gave her four people to watch over her. It's not because he expects her duties to be easy, Talin. It's because he thinks that one man will never be enough. Playing with gods is never a good idea. Agreeing to be used by them is even harder. The simple fact that no one thinks Nari's insane speaks volumes. It means that you are doing your job - and so are we."

I actually recognized this guy from Nari's cooking class. He was the one who'd been such a jerk to her, yet I'd also heard about her final. Nari had stopped the Priest of the Word from hitting a guy, and had proceeded to chew out the man who was responsible for her grade. The end result was that she and another priest hadn't failed their final exam, and now the entire Path of Obligation treated her like their savior.

The fact that Tishlie knew about Kinen sending a letter to Tath bothered me more than I wanted to admit. She was an initiate priestess. There was no reason why Tishlie should even be around the High Priest normally, so how had she heard about what he was doing? It had to be her ties to Ciella. The real question was what that meant.

Kinen felt threatened by the marks Zeal had put on my body. He'd already tried to have my lace removed to prove I was a fake. When that hadn't worked, he'd encouraged our first-year instructors to force me to pick a single Path. Then we'd overheard him in the hall on the night of the Fresh Start. Kinen had told Ciella that he didn't care if I died. He'd said enough for me to know she was supposed to dredge up some dirt on me. That was his price for keeping her in the temple, and Tishlie was her supposed partner.

There was only one way I could think of to deal with all of this stuff. Early that afternoon, I told the guys I was heading up the hall to talk to Amerlee and Jamik. I'd promised that I would fill them in on the events of our winter holiday, so I needed to go visit anyway.

Kinen got up in my face last night. He's also making it known that he's sent a letter to Tath, trying to get around Maela's pressure for those financial reports. He told me that last night, and then Tishlie mentioned the same thing today. That's going to put the pair of them in contact, and if Kinen hears about this? He's looking for an excuse to get rid of me, and I'm worried that we may have given it." "If Kinen hears about it, it won't be Ela paying the price for his actions," Amerlee finished. "It'll be you. Well, that adds another layer to this that we really didn't need."

I think that's the whole problem," Talin countered. "Kinen doesn't know anything about women. He has clearly spent too much of his time playing with the nobility and peerage outside the temples, and he acts like he's forgotten that Zeal gives us all equality - men and women." "And?" I asked. "And," Talin explained, "that makes Kinen as much of a fool as my brother. How much of this temple depends on the women inside it? How many of our leadership positions are held by priestesses, not priests? Look at Ati in the kitchens, Saval with the students, the council of educators, the physicians, and more."

"Zeal needs you. Not me, not Shalsa, and not even Saval. He needs you, Nari. You are the one who is the tie between the priests and our gods. The most important thing right now is for you to graduate to disciple." "No, it's to get Zeal more faith," Talin countered. "Our god has made it clear that he doesn't care about her grades. He will not remove her lace if she's reimmersed - in any fluid. She can't be stripped, Amerlee. He will change her lace. He will increase her lace. He will not remove it - and the God of Temptation does have that power."

Kinen doesn't like women in power? He's about to be very unhappy. You see, we're currently trying to get a group of well-placed priests together to help Maela even more. The problem is that Kinen is abusing his control, and giving in to that will do nothing but make sure he gets worse." "Who's we?" Talin asked. Jamik laughed once. "'We' means Amerlee and everyone she drags along with her. So, the four of us, Saval, Roek, and a few others."

"And what are you doing with these people?" I asked, trying to make sure I was keeping up. Amerlee just smiled. "We're starting a rebellion, Nari. I'm trying to collect priests with good standing in this temple who all believe in Zeal. Together, we can support Maela's demands for those records, refute any unfair grading you get, and hopefully convince enough people that Kinen needs to be reimmersed."

"The harder Maela pushes, the more Kinen will take it out on Nari, though," she said. "But Maela can't stop pushing. The problem here is that Tath has a valid complaint. If Ela took over a session, then that's a punishable offense." "Not necessarily," Shalsa countered. "The kids are initiates. Ela was cleared for pain play sessions with and only with Nari present. It's no secret that his talents have been difficult to get control of." She looked between all of us. "That's why initiate priests aren't allowed outside sessions. It's the entire reason for the rule! Kinen waived that, so it makes sense that two partially trained priests made mistakes. Those same priests also didn't ask for the exemption themselves. It was forced on them."

"They said they're dying," I admitted. "While Zeal is thriving lately, not all of them are. One priest is enough to keep them alive, but only barely, and they're still powerless. They need believers. They need that like we need air, and not all of them have it." "Merci seemed stronger," Talin admitted. "She has all of Nari's siblings, plus Priest Viyan, and I got the impression they aren't all. Savi has Peyron and Priestess Rebexa." "And Edrik," I added. "So at least three, if not more by now." "But Bode, Will, and Charisma are still desperate," Talin explained. "They can't come into Zeal's temple. They simply do not have the power for that."

"You guys handle the gods and we will deal with the politics," Jamik agreed. "And together, we'll find a way to make all of this happen," Amerlee said. "This is what parents do, Nari. You four shouldn't have to worry about anything but your classes and avoiding Kinen, and we'll try to make this as easy on you as possible."

Neither one could figure out that there was no such thing as the "best" Priestess of the Body. Each of our patrons would have different desires, and the point was for us to specialize in what we were good at so the people who came to our temple would have options. Instead, they acted like they could somehow get ahead by being bigger bitches, more juvenile, or more stupid than anyone else.

I turned back to Ciella. "But I find it adorable how you think a hand job in a dark room means more than the baron begging the High Priest to make an exception for my initiate status. Congratulations, Ciella. One day, you will be a priestess for the history books."

I find it adorable how you think a hand job in a dark room means more than the baron begging the High Priest to make an exception for my initiate status. Congratulations, Ciella. One day, you will be a priestess for the history books."

The most obvious thing, however, was that I stopped keeping my hands off Nari. Because if she didn't have a problem with everyone knowing that I was completely devoted to her, then I certainly had no issues showing it. I snuck in kisses against her neck when we walked between classes. I held her hand over the table when we ate dinner. I wrapped her - or someone else - up in my arms when I fell asleep every night, and in only a handful of days I had become happier than I'd ever been in my entire life, and I knew I still had a long way to go.

"But who isn't attracted to someone?" Thiemo asked. Anver just pointed at himself. "I have no interest in sex, and it's taken me a very long time to realize that doesn't mean I'm broken." "Just a different type of normal," Ela agreed. "I like a lot, Anver likes none, and Wraythe likes something in the middle. Sexuality is personal, and there's no right or wrong answer so long as your partner is able to consent."

Your family represents the God of Temptation, Talin. You and at least two of your brothers are attracted to men. Are you so sure that your married sisters actually want their husbands for more than financial security?" "Lina does," Thiemo assured him. "Abril? She wanted children, and it was easier to get married than to go against our father. I'm not sure about Reylie."

When faith started to slip, we thought it was relaxing to have more time." "Because you don't have as much now," I realized. Zeal reached up to scrub at his face. "More than half the temple believes in me, Talin. When I took a risk on Nari, hoping she would be able to save us, I never expected this. She's so much more than my Voice. We'd hoped that we would gain a handful of followers in her lifetime. And from those, we would be able to grow our faith again. Instead, half the temple believes in me, and she's still just an initiate."

"Ela was made for pain. He was wired to destroy others. That boy was the perfect weapon, if only he could be honed into something that could be wielded. Wraythe did that. His friendship taught Ela how to love and protect, not just destroy." "And then they met Nari," I realized. "Mhm," Zeal agreed. "And where were you that whole time?" I blew out a breath. "I dunno, in my own classes?" "Yes, fighting against everything you'd been raised to embrace. You ignored the pretty priestesses who wanted to love you in favor of a boy who would scandalize your family. You learned to think for yourself, to treasure a friend who was honest even if she wasn't beautiful, and to stand up for what you thought was right. You, Talin Ranndor, learned to be more than a shallow shell of a man."

"We both know that you sent Nari that night to lure me back. You never needed me." "She did," he countered. "And no, not your name. That woman could only be paired with a guardian who wouldn't feel intimidated by her strength. She needed the one man who would push her. She still needs the friend who will cut when she can't and block when she isn't ready. She needs the lover who thinks of her as more than the lace she wears, and don't think I haven't heard your thoughts."

"He has finally accepted the darkness inside himself. Now, you need to make him proud of it. He's almost there. You see, that is what most never understand. Growing up is a process of becoming. It's about trying things, failing at them, and learning from that. It's about learning who you are and who you want to be."

"But what do we need to do to help your siblings?" I asked. "I don't know!" Zeal snapped. "We have never known. I made a guess, and Nari made it better. Don't ask me how to fix this problem. Ask the woman who is doing it better than six gods could do on their own!

"I didn't pick the five of you because you're fragile. I picked you all because you're strong in the exact places you need to be, and you love the weaknesses in each other. So love strong, my Blade. Love so fucking hard it hurts."

The Priest of Obligation quickly wrote down everything. Then, just to be sure, he read it all back to me. Having almost forgotten, I added a bottle of port to it. While he wrote that beside the rest, I slid over a rather impressive tithe, then asked if he could make sure it was at least an hour before it made it to our rooms. Naturally, the priest assured me that it would all be handled properly. As I headed back to our rooms, I still couldn't get over the amazing devotion Nari got from the priests of that Path. All she had done was stop a Priest of the Word from hitting the guy serving his food. It shouldn't have been a big deal. In truth, it should have been the bare minimum, and yet Obligation acted like she'd become their hero because of it.

Nari had treated the other students like they were equals. She, the woman with more lace than any priest or priestess had in the history of the temple, acted like she was no better than the lowest priests here. She always talked to them as if they were humans, not decorations or servants. In truth, it was how she treated everyone.

Maela needs to have the budget to assign the tithe. No budget..." "No tithe," Drandir finished for me. "Well, fuck. That's why Ati can't get cherries. Things are starting to run out, and the Priests of the Word are saying there's no room in the budget for more." "Which means someone has the numbers," Ela said. "Someone knows how the annual tithe is being spent, but they're trying to block the Primary Patron from knowing."

"And any mistake might just be enough for Kinen to try to have me thrown out." "And Zeal will never let it happen," he reminded me. "And if I have my way about it, Obligation will never let it get all the way up to our god. You're one of us. What matters is that unlike every other priest in this temple, the five of you never seem to forget that."

"Tomorrow, I won't need those papers anymore. Where would you like me to deliver them?" "Amerlee's office," Jamik told him. Migard nodded. "Then I will, because no one fucks with my priests. Especially not the Chosen of Zeal." Then he turned and did his best to storm back up the hall, inadvertently looking a little adorable as he did so.

"Assaulting a Priestess of Zeal is grounds for immediate removal from the Temple of Temptation," Irila said. "Doesn't matter if you like it, gentlemen."

Miracles are happening, Nari. Little ones, but they're still talked about." "But that's a good thing," Nari insisted. Saval just nodded her head slowly. "It is, to everyone except the lords, merchants, and rich men who are no longer able to take advantage of those in need. The patronage of all seven temples is up. That's why it's so busy tonight." "Because of you, Nari," I realized. Nari just looked around us, seeing the commotion in a new way it seemed. "I didn't do this," she insisted. "I haven't even left the temple, Saval. I haven't done anything." "Then maybe you should start," Saval told her. "If this is what happens when you do nothing? I can't even imagine how much it will help the gods if you actually do anything else."

"The miracles are real. My siblings have been doing what they can, even if that isn't much. Nudging a person's mind so they see an opportunity, encouraging them to demand more, showing them how to feel where there's a need, inspiring them to great things, and even caring about others enough to take a chance. It isn't much, but all of the temples have seen more patrons this week because of it." Then he turned his eyes on me. "That is called faith."

"The problem is that I'm nothing more than a guard dog on a chain. I can bark loudly, but I can never reach that point where I can do anything about it." "What chain?" he asked. "Talin, what's holding you back?" "I am," I admitted. "A lifetime of being a gentleman, of knowing my place, and of remembering that I represent the Ranndor name. I fucking gave up my name! I am Nari's guardian. How am I supposed to protect a god's Chosen if I'm more likely to pose and posture than draw my blade?!"

"This is how I protect, Talin. I hold you up when you stumble. I'll be the buffer when you screw up. I will also be right beside you every time you need me."

"You came back to the temple, were paired with a ward who talked to gods, and your first instinct was to challenge her partner. It was to fight for her, Talin. Maybe you didn't realize the fight you were picking, but you still picked it. When Nyrren became overwhelmed with his sadism, you fought for her. When the High Priest threatened her, you fought for her. When he tried to drown her, you gave your body to your god - so you could fight for her!" He paused, taking a breath as he calmed his voice. "And when your brother tried to rape her, you stepped out of the way so Ela could do the same. You turned her greatest weapon loose, and you didn't run. You didn't try to hide. That still counts as fighting, Talin. Even if you aren't the best weapon, knowing that still counts as being a part of the battle."

I had a feeling that no matter what I did, Kinen - or his cronies - would find some way to turn this session against me.

Zeal just nodded his head slowly. "This system was designed to be run by gods. It was designed to be managed by men, with checks and balances to make sure that if we are distracted, the system will not fail. Unfortunately, we never planned to be forgotten. In our perceived absence, the system failed, and now my priests are the ones paying for it."

"I can't make Kinen stop! I'm the reason he's doing this, Zeal." "No," Zeal corrected. "You are the excuse, and do you know why? Because every mark on your body reminds him that I am still here. He is living comfortably while using my priests as his slaves. Every year, more work is passed down until the newly graduated disciples are buried in it and the High Priest does little more than visit his well-placed friends in society." Then he leaned in. "I need you to be a thorn. A beautiful one that will bury itself deep. I need you, my Chosen, to remind them about me."

"Now, let's see what percentage of priests believe, and put together a list of the Paths whose rules have suddenly changed to restrict women. I need information, and you - all of you - are the ones I trust to get it for me."

"Have you told Kinen that this..." And I gestured to my entire body, meaning my lace. "...Isn't my only option? If I choose Obligation, the next step is the Temple of All Gods. The temple I would become the High Priestess of." Ciella immediately leaned back. "What?" "Tell Kinen that. Tell him that if he tries to come after me again, I will find the person who did his tattoos. Make it clear that I know all about how his lace matches yours." Then I grabbed her chin and pulled her face right up to mine. "Make it clear that I'm not going away, and so long as I have my lace, I still have a claim to my faith. I also know enough now to demand a public viewing if he tries to reimmerse me again."