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November 30 - December 8, 2025
“Princess Donut, Carl, little Mongo, welcome to the third floor. The training levels have concluded. Now the games may truly begin,” Mordecai said, bowing slightly.
“Well, congratulations, crawler. You are now Princess Donut the Level 13 Former Child Actor Cat. Welcome to the third fucking floor.”
I opened up the menu, scrolled all the way to the bottom, and I picked Primal as my race.
The Compensated Anarchist will happily throw a Molotov through a window one moment and step in front of a camera to plead for the violence to stop the next. Experts in hand-to-hand and dirty tactics, the Compensated Anarchist only suffers when it comes to more traditional fighting techniques. +1 to the Bomb Surgeon Skill +1 to the Trap Engineer Skill +1 to Unarmed Combat Skill -25% Damage when using bladed weapons +25% Mana cost for damage-dealing spells +5% skill progression speed in all trap-making and bomb-making skills. + 2 Hide in Shadows Skill + Fear spell + 1 Intelligence + 5 Charisma
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“I’d like to present Dungeon Crawler Carl, the Level 13 Compensated Anarchist Primal. Welcome, Carl, to the third floor.”
Donut: HI ZEV!
“This is your manager?” “Yep,” I said. He shook his head sadly. “You two are so dead.” “Yep,” I said.
New achievement! It’s Elementary, My Dear Crawler!
“Come on Donut,” I said. “Let’s go clown hunting.”
Donut: YOU WERE DRUNK AND YOU MOLESTED SOMEONE’S GRANDMA.
New Achievement! Meet an Elite.
Donut: HE HAS AN ERECTION, MORDECAI. IT’S VERY INAPPROPRIATE. MONGO IS APPALLED.
“What’s the point of having me as a manager if you two suicidal idiots don’t listen to my advice?”
“She’s an elite,” Mordecai said. “Never trust an elite.”
A hot shit crawler comes across an elite, and instead of trying to solve the quest, he decides to go all murder hobo and kill the NPC. Something always happens. Something bad.
Lmao murder hobo
“Look, Mongo. Uncle Carl is on television.”
Carl: Holy shit, Mordecai. Is that cheating? Mordecai: Managers only have one rule. We can’t engage in direct battle with mobs. Everything else is fair game.
Despite Mordecai’s raging alcoholism, I could already tell that benefit was the best chance we had at survival.
New achievement! Lazarus!
Mordecai: Congrats. You just won your first solo boss battle.
I tried to stick as close to Miss Plot Armor as possible.
white. I hate clowns, I thought. I really hate clowns. Whoever invented these things needs to be punched in the face.
You will not break me. You will not break me.
