The Not-Outcast

by Tijan

There’s a reason for everything, not enough receptors or dopamine or neurotransmitters in the brain, but when a person felt the world was spinning around them, that was the general vibe of this. We were nuts.

Like a herd of cattle are stampeding over me, and I can’t ask for help or raise a hand for someone to grab.

This is one of the worst parts. When someone is asking, when you’ve made yourself vulnerable to them, opened yourself up for judgment, and you then have to wait if they’ll ‘get it’ or if they’ll dismiss it because when they dismiss your truth, they dismiss you.

It’s the same as someone getting cancer or arthritis. My brain is sick, and the problem with that shit is that I’m battling my own brain every day, every minute, every second, every fucking year of my life. This doesn’t get magically fixed.

“No, Cut. Listen. It’s not me he’s wronged. Not in this situation. It’s you. He’s doing you wrong because you care, because you asked him, because he said he would be better. He didn’t do better, for you. You have to answer that, not me. I’m hurting for you, not for me. I’m never going to let them hurt me, so you need

to understand that. I’m only hurting because they’re hurting you and in the process, they’re hurting Hunter.”

“I don’t like using that word, but everybody’s a little off. If you ain’t, then you’re part alien.

“You’re so pretty. You’re so pretty that if you were a unicorn, you’d shit glitter.”

“You’re so pretty that if aliens ever invaded, they’d take one look at you and declare you their cult leader.”

“I have to be fucking perfect to maintain. That’s it. I’m just trying to maintain.