Take What You Can Carry

by Gian Sardar

This quality of his—to be generous and affable and see the world in a series of potential friendships—it’s one of his greatest draws.

“It’s only too late when you believe you can’t do it,”

“Loss keeps going, you know? It doesn’t just stop with what was taken from you. It grabs new things all the time. You think you’re up against missing the memories, all that happened, but Christ if you don’t miss all that didn’t happen even more.”

She shuts down. Becomes quiet, lest they confuse a smile with youth.

Somehow, over the course of time, permission for this has become enmeshed with a need to make people believe she has suffered as they have, that she is part of their club, when the truth is she has not.

even that makes her angry, makes her feel less than all the lovely, wounded people who tell stories that make people lean in, that make people respect them because they’ve gone through so much.

“So what, you’re excluded from that because you weren’t tormented? Because you don’t have a mental illness? Be thankful you don’t. Of course there’s a connection. But it’s not the only one. I’ve known brilliant actors who had wonderful childhoods. What pain were they drawing from? Is their performance less brilliant because they’ve got loving parents?

Because they told a joke that day? Of course not. And I’ve known people who’ve suffered like you could not understand and they have no more creative ability or desire than someone who sells tennis rackets.”

“You judge art on art, not biography.

Empathy, that’s it. Some people have it right off the bat. Others need to learn through hard lessons. If you didn’t need to learn through hard lessons, to have an eye like you do, good for you.

And a smile doesn’t make you any less intelligent or creative. Just like a frown doesn’t make you smart.

And it’s not that he thinks he knows better or doesn’t care what she likes but that he wants desperately, more than anything, to open what he loves to others.

In the field, she catches a flash of silver: the bride’s sisters and friends are dancing with knives. “They’re dancing with knives.” He turns. “They’re about to cut the cake. That’s to let him know they can handle knives. That he should be good to their sister. That they will protect her.” “A warning.” “Kurds aren’t known for being subtle.”

but this world, as horrible as it can be, there are times like this you have to remember.”

Olivia held those words within her and then took them apart and searched for alternate meanings, ultimately whittling the statement down to the point where it could mean nothing or everything.