I have sought numbness. Over many years I have thrown myself fully into the pursuit of getting numb. Losing feeling. Avoiding instead of arriving in my experiences. I have needed something all-consuming to snap me out of reality. I have chosen to use drugs and alcohol to get me away from the pressures of my brain and the world. This has been both positive and negative. Numbness can be beautiful. It can be necessary. We need balance. When a life slips too far into disconnection or too far into connection, it is an exhausting process, trying to reanimate the avatar or re-root the uprooted.
