I often expect that the worst will happen in a relationship, even when things are going well. I have elaborate negative fantasies about what will go wrong or how my partner will inevitably hurt me beyond repair, even if things are mostly going well. Being in a relationship can cause me to become dysregulated, dissociative or confused. There are times when I look fine on the outside, but I am actually a complete tsunami on the inside. I frequently experience the conflicting internal drives of wanting to be close and share myself but fearing that closeness or vulnerability will be dangerous or
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