Polysecure: Attachment, Trauma and Consensual Nonmonogamy

by Jessica Fern

In addition to the ways that capitalism can influence who and how we love, in couples therapy I regularly witness how patriarchal values and gender discourses eclipse intimate connection and attachment. Developing healthy relational attachment requires feelings of safety and security. While significant achievements have been made for women over the past several decades, many women still experience sexism, objectification, invisibility, exclusion or even servitude within their most intimate relationships. My generation was taught that girls can do anything that boys can do, but most of my peers still feel the need to have to shave, pluck, color, tint, laser, push up or add extensions to parts of their bodies just to achieve baseline attractiveness and feel good enough to walk out the door every day.