Polysecure: Attachment, Trauma and Consensual Nonmonogamy

by Jessica Fern

I’ve seen that once people get clear with each other about whether or not they are pursuing an attachment-based relationship, each person can better orient to what the relationship is, what it isn’t, what’s available and what’s not available, enabling people to better accept and appreciate the relationship for what it is without having to let it go. If the relationship is not going to be attachment-based, this doesn’t mean that someone no longer needs to have their attachment needs met in general, but the acceptance that a specific relationship is not going to meet a person’s attachment needs can relieve everyone involved and be an important step in finding or creating relationships with others.