Dungeon Crawler Carl (Dungeon Crawler Carl, #1)

by Matt Dinniman

Standard Healing Potion. Increases your health by at least 50%. Doesn’t cure poison or other health-seeping conditions such as succubus-inflicted gonorrhea. So remember to wrap it up, bucko.

“Oh, honey, can we discuss what’s going on here?” Donut asked, interrupting the goblin. She waved a paw, indicating the jewelry in the goblin’s face. “Is it like some sort of performance art? Do you wear all that metal because they made you eat your parents?”

“I mean, I guess I can see what you were going for. You have exquisite cheekbones,” Donut said. “But your face looks like an overenthusiastic brillo pad. That other lady shaman down there, she doesn’t have nearly as many things in her face. Though, my word, she does have that unfortunate necklace made of bones, doesn’t she? But we’ll get to her later. So, tell me. Is it a daddy thing?”