Outdated: Find Love That Lasts When Dating Has Changed

by Jonathan "JP" Pokluda

The Bible never becomes out of date, because it is the truth, and the truth doesn’t change over time.

Romans 12:9 says, “Love must be sincere.”

dating without the intention of marriage is shopping with no money.

Our earthly romantic relationships are supposed to be a reflection of, or a peek into, our eternal relationship with our Savior.

Haven’t you read,’ he replied, ‘that at the beginning the Creator “made them male and female,” and said, “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh”? So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.’”

If God gives you a gift, you know it is going to be valuable. The question is, How are you going to use it?

Love Jesus first, with all your heart, and then find someone who loves him just as much and marry that person. Or, if you don’t marry, you’ll still be OK—because you’re not looking for someone else to make you complete.

Proverbs 31:30 says, “Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.”

you attract someone with your looks, you will lose them for the same reason.

People look at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart.’”

since you can choose your actions, you can decide what your feelings will be.

If your relationship is based on what they can do for you (or what you can do to them), that’s selfish. It’s self-love. You don’t even love them; you just love yourself. Real love is selfless. It’s about serving, not being served; giving, not getting. And when both people love and give and serve each other selflessly, well, you end up getting quite a lot.

That’s why “love never fails.” Feelings would sometimes fail, but since love is an action, you can always love someone regardless of how you might feel at the moment.

If you’re closer to age thirty than age three, it’s time for you to do the same in your dating life. Stop hurting people (and stop getting hurt yourself). Stop letting fleeting feelings determine your fate.

The common denominator in every failed relationship you’ve ever had is you. You’ve been following your heart to the wrong kind of person, because your heart is programmed incorrectly.

Proverbs 4:23 says, “Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.”

What you set your heart on is what you seek after.

Don’t follow your heart; inform your heart. Teach it where you want to go.

You set emotional boundaries by agreeing not to tell each other “I love you” until you can be sure you really mean it—and have already proven it, without words, in how you serve each other.

you set spiritual boundaries by not getting into deep, intense prayer sessions together—which is one of the most intimate and vulnerable things you can do with another person.

Also, it is worth pointing out: if you’re not even dating someone at all, you definitely shouldn’t be g...

going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than going to McDonald’s makes you a hamburger.

The most loving thing you can do for your future spouse is to get your own life in order long before you even meet them.

If someone claims to be one thing but their actions soon contradict those claims, believe their actions over their words.

Even if you succeed at playing games, you’ve still lost. You don’t want success in dating to be based on how well you’ve played a game. You want the other person to like you for you.

But when you choose not to play games, there is really only one rule, and it is so simple that anyone can follow it: just be honest. That’s really it. Be honest. Don’t lie.

a man’s not willing to take initiative, and doesn’t see you as being valuable enough to be worth pursuing in dating, then he is not the kind of man you really want to yoke yourself to.

Don’t follow the world and turn dating into this super complicated thing only an expert can figure out. It’s not complicated. It’s actually so simple. Be honest, be clear, and be intentional. Don’t play games, and don’t put up with people who do.

God loves you no matter what choices you’ve made. He is not mad at you. He desires a relationship with you. You do not need to be overwhelmed with shame. You need to receive his grace and forgiveness.

the Bible actually promises that “those who marry will face many troubles in this life” (1 Cor. 7:28).

Remember: after marriage, it is not your money or their debt; it is our money and our debt. The two of you become one unit financially. As part of your marriage preparation, you should put together a combined monthly budget and balance sheet.

He’s not saying single life is carefree. It is just that everyone has troubles in life, and in marriage you share the troubles of two people.

You should care for your spouse the way you care for yourself and your own body (Eph. 5:28–29).