Outdated: Find Love That Lasts When Dating Has Changed

by Jonathan "JP" Pokluda

That’s what you’re looking for: a sufficiently long track period of faithfulness.

Controlled, Responsible, Obedient, Serving, and Steady. Put those together, and you have someone whose life is marked by the CROSS.

The most loving thing you can do for your future spouse is to get your own life in order long before you even meet them.

You’re not trying to find someone “compatible” with you. You want to be someone who is pursuing Christ with your whole life, and then you’re trying to find someone else pursuing Christ at the same pace—going the same direction you are at the same speed.

People play games in dating any time they say or do something in order to get a particular response from the other person.

And all dating games have one thing in common: they are designed to manipulate the other person, using some form of dishonesty or deception.

Love has nothing to do with trying to get the upper hand on someone.

Being honest can also keep you from being shallow or superficial, because it means you would have to be honest about that too.

By asking a guy out, you might be asking for that problem. At the least, you’re choosing someone who has been passive (in terms of not asking you out himself) and enabling him to remain passive.

This is an interesting point

If a man’s not willing to take initiative, and doesn’t see you as being valuable enough to be worth pursuing in dating, then he is not the kind of man you really want to yoke yourself to.

for clarity, just use the word date. As in, “Would you like to go on a date with me?” Leaders remove confusion.

You can text about minor things like confirming what time you’re meeting up, but it is not a good way to talk through important issues.

That’s why I’m a fan of low-key first dates. I’m not saying you have to do first dates a certain way, but knowing that the overall goal is to get to know each other better, something like a conversation over coffee works well. It’s low-cost, avoids undue pressure, and gives you the flexibility to either chat for hours or cordially call

Good idea

One thing the Bible is exceedingly clear on, though, is that big decisions should not be made in isolation.

If you don’t have a community of wise counselors around you, seek them out before you start seeking a spouse.

if you’re single, he wants you to abstain from sex until you are married, because outside of marriage sex does not bring the joy, freedom, and love you are looking for.

The main things that used to define being married—living together and having sex—now typically come before the commitment of marriage.

If someone is only interested in sex and shared rent, and they are already getting those things from you without having to commit to anything, why would they get married and limit their options?

Yikes

almost one in five cohabitating couples becomes pregnant within one year of moving in together.

Wow

People end up getting married not because they are committed to staying together no matter what but because they’re taking the path of least resistance.

Lord, may this not be a reality for believers

the biblical example of marriage involved the groom first going to prepare a place to live with his bride, and then coming back to announce that the place was ready and that the wedding could therefore begin.13 The wedding date and the move-in date were the same.

The Bible encourages us to live “above reproach” (1 Tim. 3:2) and says we should stand out as being different from those who don’t know God, “[shining] among them like stars in the sky” (Phil. 2:15).

If someone is controlled by anger, they are not following God’s commands to be “slow to become angry, because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires” (James 1:19–20). And if they are addicted to alcohol or drugs, they are not living out the call to avoid drunkenness (Eph. 5:18), to be self-controlled (Gal. 5:22–23),

If you “just know” you should be married to a particular person, my question to you would be, How do you know? What information are you basing this knowledge on?

If you are not ready and willing to care for your future spouse “in sickness and in health,” or when “for better” becomes “for worse,” then you probably have a fairy-tale misconception of what marriage is really like.

everyone has troubles in life, and in marriage you share the troubles of two people.