Outdated: Find Love That Lasts When Dating Has Changed

by Jonathan "JP" Pokluda

you just have to be good at being honest.

If someone claims to be one thing but their actions soon contradict those claims, believe their actions over their words. People may fail to do what they say, but they rarely fail to do what they believe.

It is wrong to date children, no matter how old they might be.

Far too often people are blind to their own problems; you don’t know if something is “stuck in your teeth,” so to speak, unless someone is kind enough to tell you about it. It might be an uncomfortable moment, but being honest gives them the opportunity to improve rather than continually being rejected for a flaw they can’t even see.

You can be honest without being hurtful. Conversely, you can ultimately be hurtful by being dishonest in a misguided attempt to protect someone from the truth.

This desire to “help” God with his timetable by taking matters into our own hands is often a reflection of us not trusting that God is faithful to keep his promises, and, ladies, that you may not trust a guy to step up and lead you. Don’t play that game. If a man’s not willing to take initiative, and doesn’t see you as being valuable enough to be worth pursuing in dating, then he is not the kind of man you really want to yoke yourself to.

Women, on average, are more emotionally complex creatures.

Women, know that men can’t read your mind. On average, men are not as good as women at reading other people’s emotions.1 Don’t assume they understand you the way your girlfriends might. You also have to use your words.

Because when two people are both fully committed to following Christ, are ready for a lifelong commitment, and are willing to pursue each other in an intentional, God-honoring way, that kind of relationship is going to be successful 100 percent of the time. Be that kind of person, find that kind of person, and get married already.

God loves you no matter what choices you’ve made. He is not mad at you. He desires a relationship with you. You do not need to be overwhelmed with shame. You need to receive his grace and forgiveness.

literally saying, “How close can I get to sin without actually sinning?” But the goal is not to get as close to sin as possible; it should be to stay as far away from sin as possible.

Forgiveness means that God will no longer hold your sins against you, in any way, and you will not have to face the eternal consequences of your sins.

You also have to be willing to forgive them for their past. This is not a first-date conversation, but it is one you need to have at some point before marriage. There should be no secrets in marriage; they have the right to know about your past, even if you are now a different person.

When we subvert or ignore that model of marriage, we are missing out on the experience God wants for us. We are choosing something that is less than God’s best.

I’ve said before that two people who are both fully committed to following Christ will always have a successful marriage, because they will selflessly serve each other, consistently work together to resolve conflict, forgive each other for small offenses, and avoid intentionally doing things that will hurt the other.

Don’t come up with excuses for sin. Trust that God knows and wants what is best for you.

Perhaps I should add the word now to that statement. If the relationship is not heading toward marriage, you should break up now. One of the ways people tend to get this wrong is that they delay breaking up.

You should break up if the person you are dating is not fully devoted to following Christ.

But that’s the thing: it’s already gone to waste. By continuing a relationship that is not going anywhere worthwhile, you’re just adding to those sunk costs.