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Bea ran toward the world without looking back and Lo couldn’t seem to head in any direction without the assurance of a point of return.
Lo wants to be a writer. Bea is tormented by all the stories her sister will never get the chance to tell.
He might be a little older than me, maybe a little younger. Time has yet to stake a claim on him in any definable way.
Morel is a small town of about ten thousand—just beyond Peekskill, about an hour from NYC by train. Sometimes it feels like a place at the end of the world and sometimes it feels like it’s not far enough from it. Today, the Hudson River is a moody, frothy black, the raging current accepting the downpour into itself.
As Bea grew, her lack of faith grew comfortably alongside her; it was simply a fact of herself and her world as she knew it.
Belief required proof, proof of God was absent and religion struck her as a sort of magic show, the success of which was entirely dependent on an audience’s willingness to pretend a trick could be so much more than it really was.
The hard part is this: the small, broken girl inside me clawing against the wall I’ve built to keep us separated. The one who still wants so much for certain things, despite all she knows.
Every day is some kind of gray, the weather constantly on that tipping point between unpleasant and awful.
But where is the line between what circumstances have turned you into and who you choose to be?
For that brief period when everything ugly is covered under the sparkle of something so new, the world almost feels like it’s living up to its potential.
She thinks that if being a sister is a promise you make, then being a mother must be a promise that you are.
It’s sobering to see my incompleteness as a person so undeniably in front of me, the lies I told myself to exist within its emptiness—as though it wasn’t a reflection of my own.
can’t stand it, anymore, when people touch me and I find it hard to explain. It’s not because I don’t want to be touched. It’s because I do—so much—and I’m afraid I’ll give away what’s left of myself to feel less alone.
