Charming as a Verb

by Ben Philippe

“Then it turned out that was only thing number five of a million more things I would go on to also really, really want with every fiber of my body. You never stop wanting, y’know? That’s the human condition.”

The constant notion to prove yourself as truly exceptional to shake off the affirmative action cloud floating over your head, that unfun and constant fear that other people think you’re only where you are because of lowered expectations.

The thing with being good at lying to others is that you end up being pretty great at lying to yourself too.

This year, they have the bombastic confidence of handsome young white men of good families, which is to say infinite.

There are studies that I won’t cite here because they are so numerous and definitely real that confirm beyond a shadow of scientific doubt that the color blue is in fact the favorite color of your most boring coworker. . . . Shannon in HR loves it!”

“I don’t have to do a damn thing except stay Black, pay my taxes, and die, honey.”

Just be yourself.” “People love saying that.” I sigh. “That’s like screaming at someone having a panic attack not to panic. What if I don’t know what that means?”

Unlike anyone else I’ve ever met, this girl could so very easily make my heart her complete bitch.

All children are charming as an adjective, but you’re charming as a verb.

“Yeah, well, that doesn’t stop you from putting it all on me every freaking day because it’s easier than trying on your own, does it? At least I tried to do something instead of just waiting for—I don’t even know what—my son to buy me a mansion?”

“I said I was sorry already! God! You want to go to Columbia that badly, go fill out a fucking application and see how easy it is!”

“I think I’m sometimes a little too good at putting my head down and toiling. There’s nothing wrong with looking up.”