Floating Feathers: A Doctor's Harrowing Experience as a Patient Within Conventional Medicine — and an Impassioned Call for the Future of Care in America

by Ross I.S. Zbar

Thomas Wolfe’s A Man in Full,

His belief was that when presented with an opportunity, any opportunity, a person’s action—or inaction—reflects his or her true character.

Ayn Rand

Atlas Shrugged:

belief that a person’s daily actions should reflect his or her moral principles.

He not only suggested I save money whenever I could and not spend my income frivolously, he also encouraged me to continue to pursue my academic goals.

he often does things like drill me on his computer passwords, or quiz me on where documents are kept in the event he is incapacitated.

I have even debated my residency mentors at times when they seem to drift away from patient-driven healthcare. I wholeheartedly believe we must always treat patients as we would our own families.

Because most facilities are paid based on patient count, and physicians are paid for each patient visit, I can’t help but wonder if both are motivated to keep people in the role of patient.

I had become interested in Stoic philosophy

The Stoics have only a few central teachings: how

unpredictable the world can be; how brief our moment of life is; and how to be steadfast, strong...

Being frustrated serves no constructive purpose. Be grateful for all you do have. It is not the world itself that we control but rather our reaction to it.

This is true for everyone, that we rarely know of the personal trials people have faced.

I was persistently visualizing myself in my office, engaging with patients, and returning to the operating room. Despite the challenges, I never believed I wouldn’t fulfill my goal. Two months after my trauma, I return to my office, just as I imagined.

I have no doubt that my visualization exercises played a tremendous role in my journey toward wholeness. The mind-body connection is irrefutable.

In the well-known Kübler-Ross model of grief, she outlines five stages people travel through: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance.

I was somewhat down perhaps because it became glaringly real that life can change in an instant. In the second it takes to simply snap our fingers, everything we know can be drastically altered.

It is one thing to sympathize with the suffering of another, but now we’re truly able to empathize, which takes compassion to a whole new level.

I am aware that anger rots the core, like cancer, so I am not angry at these people; I realize I cannot control their actions, only my reaction to their actions. As Seneca (the Stoic who served as Nero’s counselor two thousand years ago) explains, how does getting even at a dog that bites me by biting him back serve any purpose?

The sheer number of inconsequential things people pay attention to, complain about, and take personally baffles me when what truly matters is the gift of life itself; the miracles of nature, the cosmos, and the human body; and striving to improve the quality of the lives of

others by being compassionate, ferreting out injustice, and reducing suffering.