Parents have to go first. They have to give their child the space and time to talk about why the estrangement was necessary. They have to sit there and tolerate the pain, sorrow, and guilt it evokes; they have to empathize, mirror, find the kernel if not the bushel of truth. My role is to steer them away from defending, explaining, rationalizing, blaming the child, blaming the ex, blaming whomever. Some parents need a whole lot of steering and I am not afraid to tell parents in a session: If you keep communicating this way, you will convince your adult child that staying away was the right
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