In a Holidaze

by Christina Lauren

as we roll. The radio is still playing: Through the years, we all will be together, if the fates allow… Everything goes black.

Creepy

“But without kissing Theo you wouldn’t be here,” he reasons. “No. Kissing Theo is where I messed things up… right?” “No. It’s like in Avengers, where they want to go back and kill the guy with the stones, but if they had killed him then they wouldn’t be having the conversation to begin with.” He pauses. “Holy shit, time travel is confusing.”

When we all played Sardines, and I hid, I would pray that Andrew would find me first, that we would get time alone in an enclosed, hidden space together. That we would “accidentally” make out.

His breath comes out warm against my neck, voice shaking: “It never occurred to me that you might be mine.”

“Listen up,” she says, “because I’m going to tell you a secret not everyone knows: Everything is going to be okay. I mean it. I realize everyone around you being messy might make you feel like you can’t ever be, but that isn’t true. It’s okay to be messy sometimes, honey.”

I’ve spent years not trusting my ability to make decisions and quietly letting life just happen to me. It can’t be a coincidence that the moment I stopped being passive and followed my instincts, everything seemed to fall into place. I know what makes me happy—trusting myself. What a gift, right? I found happiness.

The only person whose expectations you have to live up to is yourself. When I thought it didn’t matter and no one would remember, I finally started living authentically. I quit my job. I was honest about my feelings. I went after what I wanted without fear.